Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Lazy Christmas Break (Victoria and Abdul obsession)

Movie night started with Reese Witherspoon's "Home Again" and ended with my new favorite movie, "Victoria and Abdul" and I must say...


Oh my goodness! I seriously had to pause it a few times because I felt it was so inspiring. I have become obsessed with this story and have ordered 3 different books on amazon that will hopefully be here by Wednesday cus I am having to really fight not driving out to Barnes and Noble tomorrow to get one. I swear if it was closer I would in a heartbeat but Im just so chill for this vacation. All I want to do is spend lazy days with my babies! We've all spent so much time together and I have some pretty freaking amazing news to report!!


Yes! I said it! There has been no attitude from my teenagers in DAYS! At first, I thought it was just a last minute effort to kiss my butt for the best possible Christmas gifts, but they got all their presents last night and today they've still been in great moods and hanging out with each without me saying anything!

I wish it was like this all the time so Im going to just lock up in house and enjoy it while I can. 

I mean, Kumayl came out of his room and walked right into the kitchen and just randomly started washing dishes....

And my Zabien...oh if yall ever have a kid, pray for them to be like this kid! He has been making the rounds with all of his siblings and even Milad and I. He made us the cutest cards. Last year he was working full time and he went overboard on buying all of us Christmas presents but this year hes been sick so he felt bad. I told him that he needed to remember what Christmas really was...which of course is LOVE! The ultimate gift from God in the form of Jesus. So he made sentimental gifts that came from his heart and those are the BEST kind! This kid seriously owns my heart.

Zabe and Kayla made up a new dance/handshake that is hilarious.

Everyone has been spending so much time playing and dancing with Lacie. 

Ku and Zabe made a video with Kus new Christmas presents

Zak has even been home for a full 5 days without going to his friends house once! 

This is my Christmas miracle

So, Im going to spend the rest of this break taking it easy and enjoying every bit of this togetherness that I can. 

I hope all my readers had an awesome Christmas 

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Christmas Eve!!

We are waiting on Lacie to fall asleep and then we are wrapping all the presents and getting them under the tree. 

I'm so excited! 

(total opposite of previous post...introducing the bipolar me)

Not going to lie, I went overboard! I got so much for the kids and milad too. Kristan and her fam are going to be so excited for their gifts, although I'd give anything to be with them in person...facetime will have to do for now. 

Ok, so the plan is to go to morning church and then meet back here for Christmas lunch with Steph, Jon and Hank. We will exchange presents for each other and then they go home and we will do the last minute touches for our big dinner!

Milad, Mom, Ku, Megan, Zak, Zabe, Kayla, Jessie, Lacie, Alejandro and of course yours truly will all have our big Christmas time. Dinner at 5, followed by a quick clean up and then it's on to present time!

I will take lots of pictures and write a detailed blog of course. I just can't wait. All the months of shopping and splurging and planning and it's finally here!! 
Lacie just let out a big yawn! 
Break out the wrapping paper!


Is It Me??

I feel like I'm in a weird place right now....

Everything that was finally on the right track feels like it's gearing off course and I need to find out how to fix it before it derails. 
Stability is all I flippin' want. I don't want uncertainty or ups and downs...
I just want a steady boring now!! 

What I'm hoping? 
It's just the tension of the last minute Christmas details. I have a few things that could all point to Christmas stress. So, let's just chalk it up to that and hope that's all it is. 

Here is the thing...
I have grown so far from the immature, indecisive and confused little girl I used to be. I found strength in the truths and as hard as they might be to accept, I have. There are some things about me that are so freaking awesome and then there are a few things about me that are definitely not ideal but I accept it all and I demand the same from the circle I am in. If I am expected to change or meant to feel that something about me is wrong...it's 
I don't put up with that anymore. If you don't like me for me then I don't need you in my life and you would be better off without me. 

It's that simple.

There are people in my life that would be so hard to live without but believe me, I've gone through the most excruciating separation ever and came out the other end, OK! I learned how to accept that I am a child of God and everyone around me could leave me but I am still his. I have a strength in this. 

Ok that being said...
I'm going to post a happy post now. 
This was just too heavy for Christmas weekend. 

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Musical Therapy

I noticed that Ive been putting alot of music up on my twitter lately and I wanted to make sure that I save them all here. Some of these songs I havent heard in soooo long, I almost forgot them...
I hate forgetting good music! 
So here are some of my faves that I have posted recently
and these are gonna be pretty random and eclectic.

Bob Seger and Martina Mcbride-Chances are

Aaron Neville, Bonnie Raitt and Gregg Allman-Tell it like it is

G-Eazy and Halsey-Him & I

Pink-What about us

NF-Can you Hold me featuring Britt Nicole

Kenny G feat. Chante Moore-One more time

Sam Smith feat. Yebba-No Peace

Linkin Park-One more light

Chris Brown-Tough Love

Sam Smith-Too good at goodbye

Andy Mined-You cant stop me

John Mayer-Free Fallin

Chris Stapleton- Tennessee whiskey

Plumb-Blush (only you)

Leeland (Bethel worship)-Ever love you


Selena Gomez-The heart wants what it wants

Ed Sheehan-Make it Rain

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Elevation Church is AMAZING!

I have officially joined the E-Fam at Elevation Church. 
I am in love with the worship team. If you get a minute, check out Elevation Worship on youtube. 
Forever I run 

O Come to the altar


Do it again

However, Pastor Steven Furtick is such an anointed preacher. He has a way of speaking that draws your attention. He is a genius at relating the Old Testament to the New Testament and making it all relevant to your life now. 

I've been raised in the Bible since before I could even talk. I absolutely love learning new things from it. Kinda makes me feel like I'm falling in love all over again with each new lesson. 

Last weeks message brought me to tears. It wasn't the easiest message to hear because I know that I have a "thorn" and it's an area of struggle for me in my walk with God. It just put a whole new outlook on it. After the sermon, I looked over and noticed Zak was crying, too. That's when I knew I had to share it because it was obviously a message meant for a lot of people for many different reasons. So, here it is. 

If you dont have a church or if even if its just to know what Im talking about, you should totally check them out!

Sunday Confessionals; We got this!

24 days and countin' ya'll!

Anyone ready yet?

This week has been a busy one. I had to call the dreaded "family meeting" to address some things with the children and also my husband who has recently become very "weird".

For those of you that dont know, Wednesday nights are a big deal for me. I call it "girls night" because this is the one night that, no matter what is going on, I am going to Cindi's. We get together for coffee and chit chat and of course its the night of "Real Housewives of New Jersey". Might be lame to most but to me, its my weekly get-a-way! I would say that, for the past month or so, Milad has been expressing that he hates to come home when Im not here. Ok, well first, I cant help it that you've chosen Wednesday as your late night and second, its one day a week...I think he'll be ok. He joked with Ku about finding a wife that would "stay home once you are home from work" in which I snapped back that this wasn't funny and not to pay any mind to that.

Then, one day last week...
I was chillin with my beats on (which means I hear nothing around me---kinda the whole purpose behind getting the beats) and I was on my snapchat goin through everyone's stories, right? Well, ya know how when a story ends and it cuts right into some kind of advertisement? Apparently he came up next to me as one story was ending and an ad started up, right? I immediately took my headphones off once I saw him standing here. He handed me papers from the printer and then left the room....comes back 2 minutes later and in front of all the kids says, "who was that guy you were just looking at?" 

It felt like time stopped for a second so that I could have a conversation in my head that went a little something like this...
rational me-ok stay calm, the kids are here and you dont want to say or do anything to escalate this situation
real me-umm no f*&% that! Why is he accusing me??? He should know better!! Ive been honest with him about everything and btw how dare he throw accusations at me in front of my children.
rational me-well, there is a history there so maybe just be patient and explain...
real me-uh uh! nope! he knows you better than anyone on this planet and if he cant tell that you've changed and you aren't shady and immature anymore...I mean WTF! REALLY??
ok I need to answer because everyone is looking

what I really said...

"Uhh, I am not sure who's story was on when you came in the room but I my snapchat is just family, friends and a few famous people that I follow so I wasn't looking at "a guy" and I dont appreciate you insinuating that I was doing something I shouldn't be doing."

which is as calm as I could be with the children. but apparently that wasn't good enough and as he was walking back to his room he said something...
So I went off in text so the kids wouldn't hear, lol. 

I went through and screenshot my entire snapchat list and marked "fam" for family, "friends" or "famous" next to it so he would know what was what and see that I dont have anything suspicious. and then I told him that I didn't appreciate him confronting me in front of my children and also told him that I didn't know why he was acting this way but that he knew me better than anyone and he knows I am an open book now. There is nothing to hide and as I have told him a few times in the past few weeks...


We are good...we are great! He is the one I am growing old with and he is stuck with me. Im not ever leaving him and that is that. 

So how is this a confession post?

Because, I felt it....
that "ohh no he didn't just try to be my father and put restrictions on me" attitude.
And at first I felt a little rebellion kick in...
Then I realized why I was mad.
I thought Milad and I were on a whole other level than this. We have been through the worst times a relationship could be in...I mean, hell, we were separated for 9 years? Somehow, during that separation came a friendship that grew stronger than anything Ive ever witnessed. Its the most amazing feeling in the world to know that no matter what happens in life...how many bad decisions you make or whatever mess you may land yourself in...you have that one person that will ALWAYS be there and make it their mission in life to pull you out and keep moving forward through life. Even one step further, to make sure that journey going forward is as happy as possible. That is what we are to each other. Dedicated to being there for each other without any other reason than we want each others benefit. Its amazing!

It upsets me to think that he is doubting me. Im upset to think that he has any insecurities. I dont want him to have any worries at all. I know I am complex and so does he but I never want him to worry again. I have his back and will be here for the rest of his life. We are family...unbreakable. Ive made that decision and obviously so has he so, thats it. 
We're good
Lets just not go backward! Remember that we deal in 100% honesty, transparency, loyalty, dedication, open communication and a trust that has been building itself up for such a long time that nothing can break it now. 

So, to my husband...
We got this!

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Best Week Ever!

Thanksgiving Day was a huge success. It was such a relaxing day. I had music going all day long. The lions game...well thats a different story that I just dont want to talk about right now lol. That was such a hard loss. We had it...we were just right there. Uugghh 
I still love my lions!

Anyways, Milad and Kayla went to pick up our food and oh my goodness was it ever good. Lebanese food is and always will be my favorite food ever. Thank you to Country Restaurant for that. Yall need to get an ad going and Ill post you for free. Also, huge props to Masri Sweets for their AMAZING kunafa! Oh so yummy!
(Milad doing the poop emoji...he did this one for Hank who is obsessed with all things poop right now...Stephanie, dont let me forget to show you the video of him laughing at his "Galu")

(Milad doing the robot...those funny noises are him actually doing the robot dance...the kids were dyin LOL this thing needs hands so you can get a visual)

(-_- I am "punkin" of course and apparently Im in da house...no he didn't lol)

We all went around saying what we were thankful for~which is my favorite part. Then, Milad kept making these silly animal emojis from the new iPhone and the kids were cracking up. When he gets playful, the kids go nuts over it because hes usually so serious. I am definitely the more lively of us, thats putting it extremely mild. 

I love to sit back and see Milad and the kids having a good time. It was just what I needed. We ended up all being way too full and tired for games so we opted for a family movie and then we watched a Russell Peter's standup comedy. If you havent ever watched him, you have to! Oh, I was laughing so hard. 

Friday morning started with all of us on our laptops and phones doing some online Black Friday shopping. Well, everyone that is except ku who slept in til dinner almost. It was holiday break so no big deal. My Zabien hung out with me all day and all night. Our new favorite thing is to watch stand up comedy at night to just lighten up the mood before bed. 

So thats it...

A quiet weekend with my hubby and the kiddos. 
Other than watching Hank for a few hours last night so that Steph and Jon could have a date night and do some Christmas shopping, it has been undisturbed family time. Thick or thin, I love my little empire and I couldnt be more happy about the week we've had together. 

I hope everyone got to enjoy their families just as much over the holidays and all the time. 

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

To All My Readers...

I just want to take a minute to say thank you to all my readers all over the world. From here and especially from my authors page and allpoetry...you guys are the absolute best and I know there are so many of you who feel the same emotions I put out there for all to see. I hope that my writing continues to encourage you to allow yourself the freedom to feel, the bravery to be vulnerable by putting the emotions to pen, and fully engage in the sympathy and compassion of connecting with fellow writers for support. 

The spirit of companionship and togetherness is strong in our little community and I am so thankful to be a part of it. 
I love yall!

The Poet in Me

I have had a strange sequence of events that have brought me back to the poet/writer within. 
First, I went to all poetry.com to write and GKG (Gibran Khalil Gibran) was being highlighted on the front page. I clicked on it and just clicked on the first one, which happened to be "Love Chapter II". I read it slowly, word by word and was transported again.
I decided that I would reread "The Prophet" all over again. 
Anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely obsessed with GKG. He was such a complex individual who saw the world in a different way than anyone around him. He was so strong but had heavy weaknesses. He was so incredibly intelligent but quite often misunderstood and even though he was received well in his circle of freedom fighters (regarding Syria and Lebanon) he felt so alone. His words speak to me on such a deep level. 
Second, Im scrolling through the movie options in the "kid" section because Hank and Lacie wanted to watch a movie...and I come across "Khalil Gibran's:The Prophet". 
If you havent seen it, I implore you to! I cant believe it didn't win awards and wasn't more received then it was. So we watched it and both kids were drawn to it. I realized that this might be a little mature for them but they were sucked into the story of Almitra and loved the imagery. I felt honored to be introducing them to art at its best. I called Steph to let her know that I let Hank watch it...I wont ruin it for those of you who havent seen it yet but I knew that the ending was one that would be remembered because he was able to figure out what all the imagery meant. Lacie, however, loved it and wanted to watch it again (which never happens) so I sat her down and read her some of his "not so adult" work. 

I showed her some of his art and let her look through his paintings. I think I may have sparked a fire, yall and I couldnt be happier about it. 
I love that my Lacie loves art!

All this put together with my moody, emotional frame of mind as of late and BAM! We have a flow of writing. Im writing poetry, working on my next book and Ive even started a children's book that will be illustrated by the brilliant Cindi Seslar! 
I couldnt be more thrilled about all of this.

I even started a new contest on all poetry to keep my creative juices flowing...and its a little self motivated as I wanted to see if there is anyone out there even remotely similar to me and my situation. 
I cant possibly be the only person in the world who has this emotional and unbreakable connection. Its been awesome reading it all.

So the Poet in me is back in full swing...
The 'do not disturb' is being fully utilized on my phone but you all know how this goes...I write, write and then write some more. I will come to a point where all this writing dries up and I will come back to my sociable and lovable self. Just be patient while I write. 

God bless yall and have a great thanksgiving week!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

You're Welcome

I know I said Id never buy Starbucks again but I tasted this heavenly goodness and it has become my daily crack! 
Seriously it is as simple as this...

Monday, November 20, 2017

New Poetry~"Heart Break"

Heart Break

"To whom much is given, much is required"
But apparently not according to you
I don't understand why you treat me like this
I honestly don't know what to do

Part of me says that you don't really mean it
It's the only way you know how
To live your life according to others 
Only doing what they will allow

But that's not the truth, so call it like it is
You treat me as if I'm a curse
You only want me when you need
So the love you give, I coerse

I don't want to force your hand
If you really feel nothing at all
Tell me the truth and stop this torture
Be a good man and make that call

You know my love runs deep for you
I can't let it go, I've tried
But the only reason I've fought so hard
Is because, my love, you lied.

I asked you if you wished me to stop
I needed to know the truth
You said you still had a space in your heart
You needed the love of your youth

And so I fought through the emotions
I held out for hope
But you weighed your options, you just cant care
It's too slippery a slope.

Here I am alone again
Only this time something's changed
Why does it have to be this way
Why do we have to be estranged

You know how much this hurts me
I see now, I'm the only one
I no longer fill your needs
I guess that's it, you're done

I know you will be back again
But why should I be around
How much could you really love me
When you don't even make a sound

Why do I do this to myself?
Is it time for a heart break?
Tell me now do you want me to stop?
Am I still just your favorite mistake?

If that's how you feel, I deserve to know.
I need you to cut the ties.
Tell me that it's not there anymore,
The love that I saw in your eyes.

My god it will hurt me more than you know.
Which is the bigger sin?
Letting me hope for nothing at all?
There's no way for me to win.

Written By~Rachelle Khahil

Week of Thanks

Thanksgiving week is upon us!
This means the kiddos only have 2 days of school and then we are off for thanksgiving vacation. We have started a new tradition for this holiday and I love it because it's just me and my little (maybe not so little) crew. Mom is in Tennessee with my sister and her family so for our thanksgiving dinner order a feast from our favorite restaurant in Dearborn. For all of my locals, it's on Shaffer just south of Michigan Ave in a little hole in the wall shopping center but they have the most amazing food ever! It's called "Country Restaurant". 
The cooks are these squishy little older men who keep to real home style Lebanese food and it is so worth the drive! Even my Zabien~who normally doesn't eat Lebanese~loves this restaurant. So we order a huge feast and bring it home and set it all up and we just eat and spend time together.
Of course we go around the room talking about what we are thankful for and we say a family prayer thanking God for it all. Then we watch movies and spend the night playing games...poker, heads up (one of my faves), and of course "Pie in the Face". I always team up with Ku for "heads up" because he and I are an unstoppable force...we always win lol. 
Ku got pie in the face HAHA!
Baba doin' the dab with Kayla and Zakkypoo 
~Husband always reppin' "Guess" and Mustangs~
I get to enjoy my babies and my husband without anyone else around. It's relaxing, uninterrupted family time and it's what I live for! I so need this right now. It's incredibly therapeutic. It reminds me that I have so much to be so thankful for. I may complicate things sometimes but God has so richly blessed me. 
So today is the start of my "Week of Thanks" and today I am most thankful for my family. Milad, Ku, Zak, Zabe, Kayla, Jess and Lacie I love you all with all of my being and Im so thankful that He chose you all for me. To God be all the glory, praise and thanks.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

WTF WAS THAT? (Christina's Whitney Houston tribute)

I go on twitter and its trending...
I post on facebook and my friends tell me how they didn't hear anything like what I was saying and they got goosebumps!
uhh what????

Look, our of respect for her talent I will say this...
Christina Aguilera, while not my favorite personality in the world, is an amazing vocalist ~when she's not over doing it like beyonce~ and to my knowledge has never messed up this bad. This was just a horrible horrible performance and Ill give her the benefit of the doubt and say that it HAD to be technical difficulty. Her timing was off (it felt like she kept lagging and then speeding up trying to play catch up) and her pitch went flat too many times to count. At one point you can tell she was struggling to find her note so she improvised and pulled a Beyonce type run of it. It was just so uncomfortable and awkward to watch! I had to turn my head. It didn't help that Zak and Jessie were shouting at the tv because they couldnt believe how bad it really was.

And omg Pinks face was absolutely priceless! I love Pink! 

But heres a video clip so yall can listen for yourselves.

Sunday Confessions: Confusion

 I am at a crossroad in my life and Im not sure which way I want to go. To give you a clear visual, I feel like I have been taking a left turn and it just keeps wrapping around back to this same spot. There is a comfort in this turn. The scenery is all the same. I could walk this road with a blindfold because I know it like the back of my hand. I know the bumps in the road, the detours that wonder off but leads right back to it. Its a windy and bumpy path but because of its familiarity, I continue to choose it. Also, there is a stray puppy on this path that always ends up finding his way to me. He never stays too long but he comes just when Im starting to feel too lonely to keep going, he finds me and walks with me a bit. The problem is, I feel like there is something inside telling me that its time for me to take a different path. Its time for me to go right, and Im scared.

Im not sure what this road is like. I know that this road doesn't hold any of the familiarity of the left road. Will I get too lonely without my old faithful companion? I dont know what to do. If I take this new road it will require a commitment that Ive never been able to bring myself to do. My biggest problem is deciding on why I am doing this? Am I doing it because other people would think its weak of me to live that way? Is it because I feel like I should have pride in this matter? Is it the only right thing to do? I want to know why I am feeling this way before I make this decision. I dont want to do it because of other peoples opinion. I dont want to not do it because of my pride~pride always comes before a fall and honestly, it is a very immature feeling. Im confused because the only way I am going to change direction now is if its the right thing for me. If I feel that this loop Ive been on isnt whats best for me and my life then I need to change direction. 

Im going to take the next few days to pray for clarity and just go with my gut on this. Im just confused and I dont know what to do right now. Why do people have to complicate things so much?

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Tis the Season~Black Friday Sales

Yes, ya'll! 
It is that time of the year again. You can say that this is my second favorite time of the year, behind Christmas. 

Christmas, to me, is the most magical time. People tease me that I only like it because I get presents which is 100% false!
Maybe when I was like this when I was a child but once it became my responsibility to buy presents for others, that became my favorite thing. I am definitely a giver. There is nothing better than buying someone something that brings a smile to their face. If they laugh it's even more of a thrill but the best is when they tear up because it's something special that they really wanted or needed. 


I've already started my list...
Moms done
Steph and Jon are done
Kristan and Craig are done
Cindi and Rob are done
Labron is done
Tracy and fam are done

Still need to get presents for
Extended fam (which is easy cus they are doing the cookie exchange thing...there's just too many people to buy for and not everyone can afford that so this is what we do to make sure everyone gets something...especially all the kids in the fam)
Megan's family
Lacie's teacher
And then a few little gift cards for all my other friends and acquaintances. 

Milad got his iPhone X and his new Apple Watch so his big ticket items are done...I just have a few small things to get him. Oh, and his t-shirt...every year since 1995  I've had a special, personalized t-shirt made for him. It's a cute lil thing we do. 
Of course, he couldn't wait to give the kids their big ones either 
~hes worse than me!~
So they got their upgraded iPhones and apple watches, which I asked him to wait on but I gave in cus he's so darn cute when he gets all excited about lavishing on them. 
~kind of a turn on, husband...for future reference~

So, now I only have their smaller items to get...kinda. Ok, not really. They're still going to get quite alot...but that's my point!

Just after Zabe was born (ku and Zak were toddlers) I started a new tradition. Every Christmas Eve was spent camped out together in the living room in make shift tents made out of blankets and sheets and we would all be huddled up together while I read the real story of Santa Claus. For those of you that don't know about Saint Nicolas, I encourage you to read it.
I am not catholic, but this is the historical story behind Santa Claus and that always tied into the birth of Christ which I would then read them from the Bible. We still do this every year and yes, Kumayl joins in, too...even though he is 20 now...but I love that because I know he will do this with his kids and the strong Christian truth of Christmas will continue.
I often received criticism about this because I refused to participate in the "Santa is watching you so you better be good or you will get coal for Christmas".
First of all, how much further from the point of Christmas could that be? We were so undeserving and unworthy but God still gave us the gift of His son and that love is the sole purpose of our being. That story holds so much more value and beauty than a made up bunch of lies that your kids will one day find out you've been telling them their whole lives.

So this is my season to give. I actually have an excuse to give which makes my husband less angry when he sees the amount of giving that I do lol. 
Poor husband! 
I love you!

Ok so in review...
I know I drifted all over the place BUT for those of you bargain shoppers, it is that time of the year. All (or most) of the ads are now up and you can start planning your Black Friday weekend. Pay close attention to the times and days because some of the sales actually start on thanksgiving and not Black Friday. Also, some of the sales are in store only so make sure you read the ads carefully.

This year I am using 

and of course the ever faithful

Also, they have some really cool Black Friday (and Cyber Monday) apps this year and the best thing is that they all feature the "like" option with you can just click the heart on each sale you like and it makes a list for you which is pretty cool! 

So have fun shopping and PLEASE remember all the people less fortunate! Every time you see a salvation army worker ringing a bell outside of the store, please give them something, even if its a dollar. Your money goes to families who don't even have proper food and sometimes housing so every $1.00 counts! 
You can find all kinds of info on all the ways Salvation Army gives back to our communities...in major ways.
(I just love it when they dance....I make it rain on the happy ones lol)

"It is better to give then to receive" 

Happy Giving, Ya'll