Sunday, August 7, 2016

Sunday Confessionals: Struggling but Strong


First time Ive written in so long. I don't even feel like going into detail about everything. Ill post as I feel it coming up. Right now, we are going through some struggles. I have fibromyalgia and have been in a flare up for the past 3 months. My shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers, knees and ankles are still pretty sore. I can't quite get around like usual which unfortunately means that I am not able to get too comfortable in my laz-y-boy bed recliner. 

Side-note:Lack of sleep WILL drive you crazy!!

Rewind-3 years ago
We thought we were making a strategic move to get back in shape financially and with our credit, when we chose to let our home go and start all over. We went to the condo, that fell apart within 3 months so we moved to moms.
(insert shocked emoji and gun)
Then, someone offered us a chance to live back in our area so we jumped on it and that only lasted 2 months before it all blew up in our faces. That "someone" happened to be my husbands boss and there was a falling out so we lost our home and our only income at the same time. Back to moms we go...
(insert bomb emoji here)
We are trying so hard to get back up in our area and we have less than a month now until the kids start school. 

Back to Present Time Reality

With my health the way it is now, I am petrified to have the responsibility of driving the kids back and forth to their schools and practices and all the responsibilities that come with school time. Its just too far and I can't imagine the pain I will be in if I have to live out of the car again. We wake up earlier and with all the different drop offs it is literally a 3 hour round trip in the morning and a 2 hour round trip in the afternoon...and thats without any practices or games and all my kiddos play sports. I don't know if I can physically keep up. 

The Monsters That Live With Me

People warned me for years.....
'Oh just wait until they are all teenagers at once' or 'You better get ready to raise that white flag girl.' 'you had them too close together and now they will all be teens at once, you'll want to go crazy'


If I could give advice to any new moms it would be to space it out. Maybe that will change in a few years and I will say, 'no have them closer together so you can just do it and get it over'. My perfect children have all turned into teenagers! It is TORTURE! You think Im playing? Im not! I am very blessed to have kids that don't party or drink and they have no interest in drugs and they all have really great friends that don't go overboard either. My biggest problem is the 'know it all' attitude. Oh how wrong they are and it has really made me realize how incredibly dumb I was as a teenager. I was just like that! Sometimes I just want to slap the stupid out of them...
Also, there is a sense of entitlement with most of them and I just can't stand that! Maybe its because of some horrible experiences Ive had with people who feel entitled but that will not go down here! Last but not least, they have stopped listening to me and are having to learn on their own instead of by example. It sucks having to sit back and watch some of their decisions taking such a toll on them but Ive learned that I can't do anything about it so I sit here and just offer advice, biblical support and a love that will never go away....and then I pray its enough. Its hardest with my oldest, right now, but he is an amazing kid and he will be ok....I pray!
(insert prayer hands here)

Which Brings Me Full Circle

This morning, I woke up feeling defeated. The kids and I had a hard night of going through our bank statement at how much money is spent on fast food and pizza and gaming. It brought me to tears because we have been so wasteful lately. I didn't sleep well and I have so much stress on me (which doesnt help my health at all seeing as though stress is a major component in fibro flares). I hopped online to find this mornings sermon on youtube for the kiddos to have church with me and of course I stopped by Facebook and I clicked on an article about Luke Bryan (the country singer) and his faith through all his trials. I learned a lot about him and have a mad respect for him now but one of the verses that he quoted just jumped out at me!
Think about that our weakness, HIS strength is there. HIS power is present in these moments of trials and tribulations that weaken us. HIS grace covers it all and with HIS strength we can conquer anything! Ive read the bible my whole life but sometimes a verse that you've read a million times just pops up with a new deep meaning that really opens your eyes and heart to the love of our amazing God. I have many weaknesses...I will never claim perfection but I KNOW that GODS GRACE covers it all and GODS STRENGTH will see me through!

I just had to share that