Saturday, November 19, 2016

My Daughter's Too Pretty

What do you do when your pretty little angel grows up to be....

    an absolute beauty

    catches the eyes of all the boys at her school 
    AND all the men passing by
    who act like her mother isn't right beside her

    who is stubborn and
    hard headed, but also

    naïve in thinking people are genuinely good

    What do you do?
    Ive finally figured it out! A win-win for everyone involved and a completely worry free solution to the entire situation!!


    So I have joked for years about this arranging marriages thing. I married a Lebanese man and even though we weren't arranged, its traditional in his country to arrange marriage so I teased the kids that this was always a possibility. Then, like a chorus singing from Heaven, I saw a commercial for a tv show called "married by my mom and dad" and I thought, 'omg!! more people are doing this?? American people?? So there is a data base of people out there to choose from? I am not kidding people. I want to do this. I would like to do it for all my kids actually, not just my daughter. I am going to keep talking about it until it actually becomes a reality.

    I am actually posting this so I can speak it into existence and look back on this as an "aww" moment for them to look back one day with their arranged spouse like, "this is how we got started".

    Friday, November 18, 2016

    You Cut MY son?!?!

    Picture this...

    I am on my way to pick up my kids from school when I get this shocking thought that I need to reroute my normal routine and go to my 7th grader first (thank you God for being that loud about it). I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that my baby needs me. Its the last day of basketball try outs and he is incredibly good at basketball (following in the footsteps of his older brothers who have made basketball a way of life for all of us). This one, however, is struggling with his math grades lately and I was worried that it would be a problem. At this point, the feeling of him needing me was just overwhelming and I was really worried, out of the blue!

    I finally arrive at the school and I'm looking around for my son when all the sudden...all the way down at the other end of the school I see my baby sitting on the ground with his head in his knees and he lifts up his head and sees me and gets up and even though there are other kids around, he cannot hold it in...he's crying his little heart out. ~instant heartbreak~

    My thoughts are racing! There is no way he didn't make it! I have to hide the hurt and shock on my face and go straight into cuddle and comfort mode for a few minutes before making the "we will work on it and try again next year" switch. My oldest son is 19 and we have been doing basketball since he was 5. The first few years it was pay to play but the rest of these years have been try outs and he, along with my other 2 boys have never been cut. And my Jessie is such a strong basketball player. The problem is that he is tiny! He is short and very skinny. Ok so gather the thoughts....he's opening the door.....

    "I don't understand mama, I just don't understand! I gave it my best and I played my heart out on that court. I didn't miss any shots and I showed that I am an aggressive player....I don't understand" he said with tears pouring down his face! I put my arms around him and told him he was going to be ok. I said, "I'm sorry baby! I know how bad you wanted this and I wont pretend to know why he cut you but we will take whatever reason he gave you and we will work on it and try again next year. I promise you will get stronger in any areas of weakness and next year you will be ready." We drove away and I saw the faces of  all the poor boys who didn't make it. Normally, I am making sure that my boys aren't smiling too big or acting over excited until we leave the school grounds because normally, those are they friends that are crying because they were cut and this time my poor baby was one of them.

    I immediately sent out a group text ~secretly~ to the rest of my kids letting them know what was going on. We were on our way to pick up my daughter who was waiting at her best friends house (and this best friend also happens to be the older sister of Jessie's best friend who actually made the team). She got in the car and gave Jessie a hug and said she was sorry and he just kept crying. Meanwhile, my older son is face-timing and saying that he doesn't believe us..."its a joke" he just kept saying and I finally yelled at him and hung up because he was making it harder on Jessie. He kept crying that he didn't want to face his brothers because they would be so disappointed in him for being the only "Khahil to get cut". I tried to tell him that EVERYONE knows that Jessie's skill is amazing and he should be on that team and no one is upset or disappointed in him but instead just frustrated with the coach who cut him. In all honesty, I have always had an issue with this coach! He was once the coach of Ku, Zak, Zabe and Kayla and I have never like him. He is a horrible coach! No I'm not just saying that because he cut my son lol. I'm not one of those parents. He really is bad! Has a horrible record and really doesn't have any knowledge of the game of basketball. He knows a few plays but he doesn't understand all the rules and it results in a lot of embarrassing situations for the kids on the team.

    AH HAH!! I will blame it all on the coach! Jessie has heard all of the parents talk over the years about what a moron this guy was. I teach my kids to respect their elders that is for sure but behind closed doors, we are allowed to talk about what's really going on so for sure Jessie would feel confident that he IS good enough for the team but the coach is too dumb to see that, right? Great spin!

    Later that night, Jessie's tears were a bit less. He had friend after friend calling him to tell him how unfair it was and that he should be on that team. All of his friends who made the team were calling him and telling him they love him and that he deserved to be on that team and how sorry they were. He did really good! He genuinely congratulated them and told them it was ok...he would be ok. Kumayl however, was a different story. The more time went by that night, the more angry he was. He made a call to the coach who didn't answer and so he sent an email. He basically said that he didn't understand why the coach didn't give Jessie any valid reason as to why he was cut and he would greatly appreciate that criticism because he wanted to make sure he knew what Jessie's "weaknesses" were so that he could work with him to help him improve for next years team ~ who will be coached by someone else, thank God~. The coach replied to Kumayl but didn't offer any reasons, just said that he read his email and then asked Jessie if he wanted to talk and Jessie said no so that was that. Ku then decided to take it to the athletic director. He emailed him explaining that he asked Coach for a reason and wasn't given any. He explained that Jessie is a very sensitive kid and was very embarrassed and ashamed that he didn't make it and that's why he wouldn't talk to anyone about it but all he was asking for was a reason so that he could help him improve since Jessie looks up to him after his successful basketball career. He is waiting for a reply.

    This is far from over for my poor Jessie. He is going to have to really suck this up and just keep working. His best friend isn't going to be able to hang out all the time anymore because he will be at practice. Every game day will be a challenge because he wants so desperately to be a part of it and I don't think he will be a good spectator at this point so I'm sure its going to be a tough season. I am proud of my kids for pulling through for Jessie and immediately going out and working with him at the hoop. Jessie felt very happy that Kumayl had his back and was trying so hard to get answers for him. Zak, who actually made the JV basketball team the same day Jessie was cut, downplayed his excitement and Jessie later thanked him for being so sensitive to him and then congratulated him for making the team.

    If you're not part of a sports family then you probably think its a ridiculous thing to be so upset over this but for these kids, its a HUGE deal! 

    The silver lining in this....
    My kids love each other and I absolutely love how they always pull through for each other. I've actually done a good job as these kids mothers.  

    Wednesday, November 16, 2016

    What's On My Mind

    I had so many funny and sarcastic things lined up for my next post but there is something more important than being funny right now.

    Since the last time I posted, the American people have voted for a new president....a very drastic change from the normal politics that have been polluting this country for decades now. The reason I felt like discussing this is because I need to vent and I do NOT feel like listening to the replies on social media. I want to scream for the world to hear but at the same time I would just love to have a really large platform (like the celebrities do) to speak calmly and rationally and try to explain that people are getting it all wrong. First of all, every religion/passionate cause/belief system has its share of extremists. Extremists on both sides of the spectrum....but there is a calm middle ground that at least half of this country is hoping to meet on and it just isn't happening. Why? Because the progressive movement has made this all a race issue! Its easier to do than to get people to fight for the cause of killing full term babies or forcing their progressive lifestyles on more traditional families BY LAW. So instead, its turned into this racial divide.

    My favorite dj's are all bashing Trump (and his being one of them) claiming that we are all racist! I am so sick of it! How dare you lump me in with the hateful racist people of this world. The biggest reason was MY FAITH! My faith is what holds me together and it is the center of who I am as a person. I believe its what this country was founded on. I knew that Hillary Clinton was going to be on the view (which I cannot watch at all because it just gets my blood boiling) so I had to watch it. I was shocked to hear her say out of her own mouth that an unborn child has no rights under the law because they aren't an actual citizen until they are born. -insert jaw drop here-

    There is her stance on that. Look at the woman's past...she is full of "Washington politics" that her supporters say make her more qualified and I say it makes her unfit! I wont go into them all but the things she has done in her career are just disgusting and deplorable (using her word against her). I could not in any good faith name her to be president. I am not anti female! I am not a racist! I want my country to flourish again. I want us to be brought together and not be further separated and we should all be working together on this goal.

    I voted for trump because his financial and business experience could truly benefit our economy. He is NOT Washington politics at all! What you see is what you get. You don't become one of the wealthiest men in the world by being stubborn and doing this off the top of your head. He listens to wise counsel and he thinks before he acts. The mud slinging of the campaign is over. He won and its time to get to business which is what hes good at....for gods sake let the man do his job and lets ALL work for a better America!
    I don't have to explain why I voted for him because its my right as an American but I want to because I really want for people to see that many people like me voted for Trump for the same reasons.

    1-Economically, he makes sense for this country. Politicians have driven us further and further into debt and I have a lot of hope in trump being able to help us here. Too many people are below poverty level and we have to fix things here in the country first and foremost.

    2-JUST SAY NO to refugees and it has nothing to do with me not liking them. Anyone that knows me knows that I have an affinity for all things middle eastern. I pray for these people but if you must know why I stand by this please refer to #1. We cant even take care of our own citizens let alone another country's.

    3-Illegal immigration is out of control and it needs to be addressed. Its the cause of many many bad things here and we have to get a handle on it. I am all for LEGAL immigration to my country, but we CANNOT AFFORD this anymore.

    4-Our new vice president is a Christian, conservative, good man and he wont tolerate the progressive agenda....and I'm sorry to those it offends, but Ive already listed why I don't agree. I have a right to my opinion just as much as the next person.

    I am not a hateful person. I love all people. Until all this racial talk came up, I didn't realize that my circle of friends consist of people from all over the world. I honestly do not see in color but I see more in character and personality. That's just how I am. I voted for Trump because I am praying he can get this country back on its toes again and that is it. Has he said some sexist things...yes! I never said he was the best person in the world....just the best choice from the two we were given and a vote for a third party would've been a vote for Clinton and I just couldn't live with myself. That's why!

    Take our country back from the politicians and their progressive agendas that focus more on body parts than the issues at hand!#sorrynotsorry

    Saturday, November 5, 2016

    America....the great?

    I grew up thinking that anyone who wanted to be president could be if they took the necessary path to get there. I never really thought about "party politics". Recently, Ku ~my oldest son who is in college now~ had to do a paper on wether or not our voting system works 'as is' and he always asks me to proof read his papers. After reading his opinion on it, I decided to research this subject myself and I am so disappointed in what Ive found.

    Our system is broken! Democrats and Republicans control everything! There are other parties who have their own ideals and a following but a vote for them is useless in the long run because electoral votes are what's going to decide the outcome of the election and these smaller parties don't stand a chance to the big bullies in Washington. Something needs to change!

    After years of proudly professing to be an outspoken republican, I have found that after MANY hours of research and sticking to my most important issues, I am actual more of a Constitutionist. Its ok if you don't like my conclusion. We are all allowed to have our own opinion. I am just saddened that everyone I talk to has no clue what the Constitution Party is let alone who their candidate is. And a vote for the small guy that no one knows is a wasted vote in our current voting system. :(

    Its sad because the core beliefs of the Constitution Party are what Ive always been so passionate about...and I never even knew this party existed until a few weeks ago while studying the voting system. To me, I sum it up like this....I am a Christian. I am very passionate about the Bible and what it says. Would I listen to people who told me that they needed to update the Bible for current times? Absolutely not! I feel the same way about the Constitution. I feel like I fit in more with this party.

    I will never vote "straight party"...ever! I will always study the issues that I am passionate about and of course the candidates that will fight for the issues most important to me, but this is definitely the party I am now interested the most in. The results of this election are scary already. It's sad that our country has gone this far in the wrong direction but I won't give up hope that one day we will turn it around and bring it back to what it was supposed to be when our forefathers put everything in motion.

    Tuesday, October 4, 2016

    Bathroom Hideout Invaded

    An age old question that only has 2 possible answers...

    Is the bathroom your own private time?

    When you go to the bathroom and lock the door, do you trust that you won't be barged in on? My best friend says that she taught her kids from day 1 that the bathroom is a persons personal space and that it was not to be invaded. While my children have always felt that it was ok to come in and out of the bathroom regardless of what position I am in (naked in the tub or constipated on the toilet) and they just think nothing of it. They will literally stare at me and keep talking about whatever it is that brought them in there to begin with. I decided I wasn't going to fight them on it because the fight was bigger and longer than the 2 minutes of privacy invasion....

    then they started getting older and it wasn't just one at a time, they would gang rush me in the bathroom to have me name who got the most time and therefore is more deserving of game time....


    I finally had enough of that and I sat the kiddos down to let them know that from this point forward, ANYONE who was in the bathroom was there for a reason and that is their own personal space not to be invaded. If anyone needs them, knock on the door and let them know and then back off and give some space. For the most part they listen, well...except my youngest son (he's the one i was too tired to discipline and it shows). He's still a mamas boy who gets away with way too much so he will barge in sometimes but for the most part....its private time right?

    I honestly can't remember how I was raised. Im pretty sure my moms always been a 'well its only us 3 girls so Ill leave the door open and have a full conversation while I'm big deal' kind of woman....but taking a crap? No! That was always private!

    Apparently once you get up there in age, all inhibitions are tossed to the side and it becomes ok to not only walk in but leave the door open, walk out and still be carrying a conversation with someone..WHILE THEY ARE TAKING A CRAP! 

    Im sorry but shouldn't that be the one place of privacy??
    Its only a few minutes of the day, I mean are you freaking kidding me? And not only does my amazing mother do all that, but now she's invited my little nephew to come and 'sit next to shell' on his mini potty seat....

    What are we, hippies now? Communal shits? How is this even happening right now? I can't help but feel a bit invaded. Living under the same roof as my mother can be quite interesting. I love her more than anything and this has not affected that at all but I just want my few minutes of my bathroom hideout back!! 

    Is it really too much to ask??

    Sunday, September 18, 2016

    Sunday Confessionals~My Fight with Fibromyalgia

    Sitting here listening to Joel Osteen this morning and I got the inspiration to blog. Perhaps its time to tell the truth about the struggles that Ive been facing. Ive always been a strong person....
    in all areas really....mentally, emotionally, spiritually and yes, physically. Don't get me wrong, we all have times of weakness and I wouldnt mind admitting that from time to time but this has knocked me to my knees and I can't seem to get up. I think Ive finally figured out that if Im going to remain strong, I have to rid myself of the pride Ive been clinging to and start sharing my struggle. 

    Its ok to ask for prayer 
    Its ok to let people know you physically have limits and cannot attend normal functions.
    Its ok to let people know that sometimes it feels hopeless and you need a little encouragement.

    Thats why Im writing this.

    I have cried more in the past 3 months than I have in my entire life. I will try to be quick with this story.

    So 2 summers ago, out of the blue, I woke up with what I then thought was stiffness in my neck and my upper chest. It actually hurt using the muscles in those areas just to sit up. Initially, I just thought I overdid it the day before and was sore. Throughout the day, those symptoms worsened. The pain had spread to my shoulder blades and upper back. It ended up getting so bad that I was stuck on the sofa for what seemed like, the whole summer! 

    It was pretty scary but once I learned it was fibromyalgia it got a little less scary. I think not knowing what was happening and fearing the worst. At least I knew that I was in what they called a "flare up" and I would get better, eventually. Thankfully, just before it was time to get the kids back to school, I started feeling like myself again. 

    It took a little while for all the symptoms to be gone but before I knew it, they were and it was a memory. 

    Then, this summer...almost like clockwork....a few weeks before the kids got out of school, I had a pretty major flare up that struck quick and hard. This time, not only was it the upper body pressure points, but also the bottom of my back, my hips, my knees and even my ankles. This time the tender points felt bigger and in places like my elbows and my knees, I lost strength! I felt like I couldnt stretch my arms and legs all the way and my knees were just waiting for the chance to buckle underneath me. 

    I had previous injuries to my left middle finger, right index finger and wrist and they just would not heal! My hands were weak, my arms were weak, my legs were stiff and like jello at the same time and the pain in my shoulders, neck, upper chest and upper back was so severe that I couldnt even turn to my side to get comfortable. Moving around for a comfy bed position was and is no longer something I can do. Im stuck either on my back with pillows propping up my back, neck, arms and left knee up or sometimes~if Im lucky~I can roll to my right side for a few minutes. Im a side sleeper so I try desperately for even just a few minutes on my side but the pain it inflicts on my back is just too severe to stay there for any length of time. 

    There are times when I am so weak and in such pain that my children have to help me stand up just so I can walk to the bathroom. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I am not a homebody....I am always on the go. In fact, I couldnt even go to my sons graduation! I sat home and cried my heart out over facetime. He was so understanding and I love him for that...more than he knows. 

    It was toward the end of the summer that I started feeling better again and was even able to resume some of my outings. I drove for the first time in 3 months and I missed it so much!! Unfortunately 2 weeks ago, it started flaring up again and I was completely healed from the last one so now I am pretty much bed ridden! 

    I can barely walk and when I do its only short short distances. I have no energy to deal with the pain because my sleep is pretty much non existent and I have felt a little like Im losing it here lately. My nephew-in-law told me about an article that he heard about from my brother in law (who turned his life around after knee surgeries and is now a bicycle riding, yoga practicing, all natural juicing machine!). 

    Long story short, I read this article and had a lengthy conversation with he and my sister and realized that I only have one option....
    I have to go green!

    I have 6 children that need me in their lives and I am 2 years away from 40 and Im supposed to be getting my own little freedom as my kids get older...and lets face it, the truth is that I won't even make it if I don't make changes and now!

    Ive taught myself that its ok to associate food with emotions and even though I don't eat a lot, what I do eat is HORRIBLE and fatty and sugary or lots of carbs...I don't eat healthy at all. Thats changing. Im doing a 30 day juice cleanse. I am going to get rid of all the toxins and then at the end of this cleanse, I have decided to eat differently. I am still juicing mainly but will have a sensible meal in the middle of the day. This will help me lose weight, gain more energy and combat this fibromyalgia in a healthy, natural way. Im very happy about this. Scared because I know its going to take a lot of strength to make this happen but if anyone can do it, I can!

    I also am jumping right back into meditation and when Im strong enough, yoga. I have downloaded some apps to help with daily stress management and relaxation techniques. I have also learned a few tricks to a bedtime routine that will hopefully help with a new sleeping schedule. I held a family meeting tonight to discuss these new changes with the kids and they all said they would help me with stress management and also try to incorporate some better foods into their lives (but who are they kidding...thats gonna be a fight and a half!)

    So, I admit....
    Im falling apart at the seams..
    and I need some help. I need prayers. I need encouragement. I need all the support I can get on this one. 
    I want to live a better life than this and I will not be caged anymore...not by my weight, or by my bad habits and especially not by fibromyalgia! 

    Im ready to get my life back

    Wish me luck!

    Sunday, August 7, 2016

    Sunday Confessionals: Struggling but Strong


    First time Ive written in so long. I don't even feel like going into detail about everything. Ill post as I feel it coming up. Right now, we are going through some struggles. I have fibromyalgia and have been in a flare up for the past 3 months. My shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers, knees and ankles are still pretty sore. I can't quite get around like usual which unfortunately means that I am not able to get too comfortable in my laz-y-boy bed recliner. 

    Side-note:Lack of sleep WILL drive you crazy!!

    Rewind-3 years ago
    We thought we were making a strategic move to get back in shape financially and with our credit, when we chose to let our home go and start all over. We went to the condo, that fell apart within 3 months so we moved to moms.
    (insert shocked emoji and gun)
    Then, someone offered us a chance to live back in our area so we jumped on it and that only lasted 2 months before it all blew up in our faces. That "someone" happened to be my husbands boss and there was a falling out so we lost our home and our only income at the same time. Back to moms we go...
    (insert bomb emoji here)
    We are trying so hard to get back up in our area and we have less than a month now until the kids start school. 

    Back to Present Time Reality

    With my health the way it is now, I am petrified to have the responsibility of driving the kids back and forth to their schools and practices and all the responsibilities that come with school time. Its just too far and I can't imagine the pain I will be in if I have to live out of the car again. We wake up earlier and with all the different drop offs it is literally a 3 hour round trip in the morning and a 2 hour round trip in the afternoon...and thats without any practices or games and all my kiddos play sports. I don't know if I can physically keep up. 

    The Monsters That Live With Me

    People warned me for years.....
    'Oh just wait until they are all teenagers at once' or 'You better get ready to raise that white flag girl.' 'you had them too close together and now they will all be teens at once, you'll want to go crazy'


    If I could give advice to any new moms it would be to space it out. Maybe that will change in a few years and I will say, 'no have them closer together so you can just do it and get it over'. My perfect children have all turned into teenagers! It is TORTURE! You think Im playing? Im not! I am very blessed to have kids that don't party or drink and they have no interest in drugs and they all have really great friends that don't go overboard either. My biggest problem is the 'know it all' attitude. Oh how wrong they are and it has really made me realize how incredibly dumb I was as a teenager. I was just like that! Sometimes I just want to slap the stupid out of them...
    Also, there is a sense of entitlement with most of them and I just can't stand that! Maybe its because of some horrible experiences Ive had with people who feel entitled but that will not go down here! Last but not least, they have stopped listening to me and are having to learn on their own instead of by example. It sucks having to sit back and watch some of their decisions taking such a toll on them but Ive learned that I can't do anything about it so I sit here and just offer advice, biblical support and a love that will never go away....and then I pray its enough. Its hardest with my oldest, right now, but he is an amazing kid and he will be ok....I pray!
    (insert prayer hands here)

    Which Brings Me Full Circle

    This morning, I woke up feeling defeated. The kids and I had a hard night of going through our bank statement at how much money is spent on fast food and pizza and gaming. It brought me to tears because we have been so wasteful lately. I didn't sleep well and I have so much stress on me (which doesnt help my health at all seeing as though stress is a major component in fibro flares). I hopped online to find this mornings sermon on youtube for the kiddos to have church with me and of course I stopped by Facebook and I clicked on an article about Luke Bryan (the country singer) and his faith through all his trials. I learned a lot about him and have a mad respect for him now but one of the verses that he quoted just jumped out at me!
    Think about that our weakness, HIS strength is there. HIS power is present in these moments of trials and tribulations that weaken us. HIS grace covers it all and with HIS strength we can conquer anything! Ive read the bible my whole life but sometimes a verse that you've read a million times just pops up with a new deep meaning that really opens your eyes and heart to the love of our amazing God. I have many weaknesses...I will never claim perfection but I KNOW that GODS GRACE covers it all and GODS STRENGTH will see me through!

    I just had to share that