Monday, November 20, 2017

New Poetry~"Heart Break"

Heart Break

"To whom much is given, much is required"
But apparently not according to you
I don't understand why you treat me like this
I honestly don't know what to do

Part of me says that you don't really mean it
It's the only way you know how
To live your life according to others 
Only doing what they will allow

But that's not the truth, so call it like it is
You treat me as if I'm a curse
You only want me when you need
So the love you give, I coerse

I don't want to force your hand
If you really feel nothing at all
Tell me the truth and stop this torture
Be a good man and make that call

You know my love runs deep for you
I can't let it go, I've tried
But the only reason I've fought so hard
Is because, my love, you lied.

I asked you if you wished me to stop
I needed to know the truth
You said you still had a space in your heart
You needed the love of your youth

And so I fought through the emotions
I held out for hope
But you weighed your options, you just cant care
It's too slippery a slope.

Here I am alone again
Only this time something's changed
Why does it have to be this way
Why do we have to be estranged

You know how much this hurts me
I see now, I'm the only one
I no longer fill your needs
I guess that's it, you're done

I know you will be back again
But why should I be around
How much could you really love me
When you don't even make a sound

Why do I do this to myself?
Is it time for a heart break?
Tell me now do you want me to stop?
Am I still just your favorite mistake?

If that's you feel, I deserve to know.
I need you to cut the ties.
Tell me that it's not there anymore,
The love I saw in your eyes.

My god it will hurt me more than you know.
Which is the bigger sin?
Letting me hope for nothing at all?
There's no way for me to win.

Written By~Rachelle Khahil

Week of Thanks

Thanksgiving week is upon us!
This means the kiddos only have 2 days of school and then we are off for thanksgiving vacation. We have started a new tradition for this holiday and I love it because it's just me and my little (maybe not so little) crew. Mom is in Tennessee with my sister and her family so for our thanksgiving dinner order a feast from our favorite restaurant in Dearborn. For all of my locals, it's on Shaffer just south of Michigan Ave in a little hole in the wall shopping center but they have the most amazing food ever! It's called "Country Restaurant". 
The cooks are these squishy little older men who keep to real home style Lebanese food and it is so worth the drive! Even my Zabien~who normally doesn't eat Lebanese~loves this restaurant. So we order a huge feast and bring it home and set it all up and we just eat and spend time together.
Of course we go around the room talking about what we are thankful for and we say a family prayer thanking God for it all. Then we watch movies and spend the night playing, heads up (one of my faves), and of course "Pie in the Face". I always team up with Ku for "heads up" because he and I are an unstoppable force...we always win lol. 
Ku got pie in the face HAHA!
Baba doin' the dab with Kayla and Zakkypoo 
~Husband always reppin' "Guess" and Mustangs~
I get to enjoy my babies and my husband without anyone else around. It's relaxing, uninterrupted family time and it's what I live for! I so need this right now. It's incredibly therapeutic. It reminds me that I have so much to be so thankful for. I may complicate things sometimes but God has so richly blessed me. 
So today is the start of my "Week of Thanks" and today I am most thankful for my family. Milad, Ku, Zak, Zabe, Kayla, Jess and Lacie I love you all with all of my being and Im so thankful that He chose you all for me. To God be all the glory, praise and thanks.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

WTF WAS THAT? (Christina's Whitney Houston tribute)

I go on twitter and its trending...
I post on facebook and my friends tell me how they didn't hear anything like what I was saying and they got goosebumps!
uhh what????

Look, our of respect for her talent I will say this...
Christina Aguilera, while not my favorite personality in the world, is an amazing vocalist ~when she's not over doing it like beyonce~ and to my knowledge has never messed up this bad. This was just a horrible horrible performance and Ill give her the benefit of the doubt and say that it HAD to be technical difficulty. Her timing was off (it felt like she kept lagging and then speeding up trying to play catch up) and her pitch went flat too many times to count. At one point you can tell she was struggling to find her note so she improvised and pulled a Beyonce type run of it. It was just so uncomfortable and awkward to watch! I had to turn my head. It didn't help that Zak and Jessie were shouting at the tv because they couldnt believe how bad it really was.

And omg Pinks face was absolutely priceless! I love Pink! 

But heres a video clip so yall can listen for yourselves.

Sunday Confessions: Confusion

 I am at a crossroad in my life and Im not sure which way I want to go. To give you a clear visual, I feel like I have been taking a left turn and it just keeps wrapping around back to this same spot. There is a comfort in this turn. The scenery is all the same. I could walk this road with a blindfold because I know it like the back of my hand. I know the bumps in the road, the detours that wonder off but leads right back to it. Its a windy and bumpy path but because of its familiarity, I continue to choose it. Also, there is a stray puppy on this path that always ends up finding his way to me. He never stays too long but he comes just when Im starting to feel too lonely to keep going, he finds me and walks with me a bit. The problem is, I feel like there is something inside telling me that its time for me to take a different path. Its time for me to go right, and Im scared.

Im not sure what this road is like. I know that this road doesn't hold any of the familiarity of the left road. Will I get too lonely without my old faithful companion? I dont know what to do. If I take this new road it will require a commitment that Ive never been able to bring myself to do. My biggest problem is deciding on why I am doing this? Am I doing it because other people would think its weak of me to live that way? Is it because I feel like I should have pride in this matter? Is it the only right thing to do? I want to know why I am feeling this way before I make this decision. I dont want to do it because of other peoples opinion. I dont want to not do it because of my pride~pride always comes before a fall and honestly, it is a very immature feeling. Im confused because the only way I am going to change direction now is if its the right thing for me. If I feel that this loop Ive been on isnt whats best for me and my life then I need to change direction. 

Im going to take the next few days to pray for clarity and just go with my gut on this. Im just confused and I dont know what to do right now. Why do people have to complicate things so much?

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Tis the Season~Black Friday Sales

Yes, ya'll! 
It is that time of the year again. You can say that this is my second favorite time of the year, behind Christmas. 

Christmas, to me, is the most magical time. People tease me that I only like it because I get presents which is 100% false!
Maybe when I was like this when I was a child but once it became my responsibility to buy presents for others, that became my favorite thing. I am definitely a giver. There is nothing better than buying someone something that brings a smile to their face. If they laugh it's even more of a thrill but the best is when they tear up because it's something special that they really wanted or needed. 


I've already started my list...
Moms done
Steph and Jon are done
Kristan and Craig are done
Cindi and Rob are done
Labron is done
Tracy and fam are done

Still need to get presents for
Extended fam (which is easy cus they are doing the cookie exchange thing...there's just too many people to buy for and not everyone can afford that so this is what we do to make sure everyone gets something...especially all the kids in the fam)
Megan's family
Lacie's teacher
And then a few little gift cards for all my other friends and acquaintances. 

Milad got his iPhone X and his new Apple Watch so his big ticket items are done...I just have a few small things to get him. Oh, and his t-shirt...every year since 1995  I've had a special, personalized t-shirt made for him. It's a cute lil thing we do. 
Of course, he couldn't wait to give the kids their big ones either 
~hes worse than me!~
So they got their upgraded iPhones and apple watches, which I asked him to wait on but I gave in cus he's so darn cute when he gets all excited about lavishing on them. 
~kind of a turn on, husband...for future reference~

So, now I only have their smaller items to get...kinda. Ok, not really. They're still going to get quite alot...but that's my point!

Just after Zabe was born (ku and Zak were toddlers) I started a new tradition. Every Christmas Eve was spent camped out together in the living room in make shift tents made out of blankets and sheets and we would all be huddled up together while I read the real story of Santa Claus. For those of you that don't know about Saint Nicolas, I encourage you to read it.
I am not catholic, but this is the historical story behind Santa Claus and that always tied into the birth of Christ which I would then read them from the Bible. We still do this every year and yes, Kumayl joins in, too...even though he is 20 now...but I love that because I know he will do this with his kids and the strong Christian truth of Christmas will continue.
I often received criticism about this because I refused to participate in the "Santa is watching you so you better be good or you will get coal for Christmas".
First of all, how much further from the point of Christmas could that be? We were so undeserving and unworthy but God still gave us the gift of His son and that love is the sole purpose of our being. That story holds so much more value and beauty than a made up bunch of lies that your kids will one day find out you've been telling them their whole lives.

So this is my season to give. I actually have an excuse to give which makes my husband less angry when he sees the amount of giving that I do lol. 
Poor husband! 
I love you!

Ok so in review...
I know I drifted all over the place BUT for those of you bargain shoppers, it is that time of the year. All (or most) of the ads are now up and you can start planning your Black Friday weekend. Pay close attention to the times and days because some of the sales actually start on thanksgiving and not Black Friday. Also, some of the sales are in store only so make sure you read the ads carefully.

This year I am using 

and of course the ever faithful

Also, they have some really cool Black Friday (and Cyber Monday) apps this year and the best thing is that they all feature the "like" option with you can just click the heart on each sale you like and it makes a list for you which is pretty cool! 

So have fun shopping and PLEASE remember all the people less fortunate! Every time you see a salvation army worker ringing a bell outside of the store, please give them something, even if its a dollar. Your money goes to families who don't even have proper food and sometimes housing so every $1.00 counts! 
You can find all kinds of info on all the ways Salvation Army gives back to our major ways.
(I just love it when they dance....I make it rain on the happy ones lol)

"It is better to give then to receive" 

Happy Giving, Ya'll 

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Sunday Confessionals:Are You Ready For Some Football?!?

I am a football freak!

I absolutely hate it when people talk about how football is a "man's sport" because I am not a man and I seriously get excited over it. I hate the off season and I literally count down to the first practice game. 

This is the first year that I have given in and gone all out in fantasy football. The only problem with that is...well, I am a HUGE Detroit Lions fan and so when I pick my fantasy team, my entire starting line up are Lions players. 

My kids make fun of me for it but I just have to remind them that I am 6-3 and am fairly confident that after today I will be 7-3 and at the top of my league. 
So eat that!

I only religiously follow 3 football teams.

1-Detroit Lions...duh

2-Michigan Wolverines
(University of Michigan college football)


3-Chippewa Valley Big Reds
(my kids high school team who won divisional this year and ALMOST won regionals...lost by a last minute touchdown by the other team...that was a rough one)
Not sure why he kept getting your name wrong but
GO JA'VON!!!! 

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Just Let This Be (poetry)

Guess I was wrong
I was in a writing mood after all...
Now Im going to bed

Just Let This Be

Sometimes you are frost
So cold you're almost stone
I can't read your mind like that
In those moments, I'm alone

You don't realize that you've done it
Twisted the knife deeper in 
You knowingly break my heart and yet
Loving you is the steeper sin

I can't help it anymore
I've done all I can do
To try to leave it all behind
But I just can't leave you

You're still the one I long for
And after all this time
I still think of me as yours
And you'll always be mine

I know thats not true
To each other, belong
You see me as a weakness
Instead I make you strong

I know that it scares you
To think you'll go too far
Can't you just let this be
We can just live apart

You need me at a distance
I finally understand
But all you have to do is speak it
Your wish is my command

But in my quest to serve you
Please try to keep in mind
I'm waiting for you to love me
Say you won't leave me behind

Let me know my waiting
Will not be in vain
Say that you'll kiss me again
When I'm crying in the rain

You don't have to change your life
Just come back once in a while
I need to look into your eyes
I need to see your beautiful smile

I need to breathe the air you breathe
I need to soak you in
I need to feel your fingertips
Softly touch my skin

I need to have a moment with you
To take your breath away
A world of just you and me
Though I know you can't stay

I can let go now, knowing
You'll come back to me
Why can't you just give us life again
Why can't you just let this be

Rachelle Khahil