Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Musical Therapy

I noticed that Ive been putting alot of music up on my twitter lately and I wanted to make sure that I save them all here. Some of these songs I havent heard in soooo long, I almost forgot them...
I hate forgetting good music! 
So here are some of my faves that I have posted recently
and these are gonna be pretty random and eclectic.

Bob Seger and Martina Mcbride-Chances are

Aaron Neville, Bonnie Raitt and Gregg Allman-Tell it like it is

G-Eazy and Halsey-Him & I

Pink-What about us

NF-Can you Hold me featuring Britt Nicole

Kenny G feat. Chante Moore-One more time

Sam Smith feat. Yebba-No Peace

Linkin Park-One more light

Chris Brown-Tough Love

Sam Smith-Too good at goodbye

Andy Mined-You cant stop me

John Mayer-Free Fallin

Chris Stapleton- Tennessee whiskey

Plumb-Blush (only you)

Leeland (Bethel worship)-Ever love you


Selena Gomez-The heart wants what it wants

Ed Sheehan-Make it Rain

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Elevation Church is AMAZING!

I have officially joined the E-Fam at Elevation Church. 
I am in love with the worship team. If you get a minute, check out Elevation Worship on youtube. 
Forever I run 

O Come to the altar


Do it again

However, Pastor Steven Furtick is such an anointed preacher. He has a way of speaking that draws your attention. He is a genius at relating the Old Testament to the New Testament and making it all relevant to your life now. 

I've been raised in the Bible since before I could even talk. I absolutely love learning new things from it. Kinda makes me feel like I'm falling in love all over again with each new lesson. 

Last weeks message brought me to tears. It wasn't the easiest message to hear because I know that I have a "thorn" and it's an area of struggle for me in my walk with God. It just put a whole new outlook on it. After the sermon, I looked over and noticed Zak was crying, too. That's when I knew I had to share it because it was obviously a message meant for a lot of people for many different reasons. So, here it is. 

If you dont have a church or if even if its just to know what Im talking about, you should totally check them out!

Sunday Confessionals; We got this!

24 days and countin' ya'll!

Anyone ready yet?

This week has been a busy one. I had to call the dreaded "family meeting" to address some things with the children and also my husband who has recently become very "weird".

For those of you that dont know, Wednesday nights are a big deal for me. I call it "girls night" because this is the one night that, no matter what is going on, I am going to Cindi's. We get together for coffee and chit chat and of course its the night of "Real Housewives of New Jersey". Might be lame to most but to me, its my weekly get-a-way! I would say that, for the past month or so, Milad has been expressing that he hates to come home when Im not here. Ok, well first, I cant help it that you've chosen Wednesday as your late night and second, its one day a week...I think he'll be ok. He joked with Ku about finding a wife that would "stay home once you are home from work" in which I snapped back that this wasn't funny and not to pay any mind to that.

Then, one day last week...
I was chillin with my beats on (which means I hear nothing around me---kinda the whole purpose behind getting the beats) and I was on my snapchat goin through everyone's stories, right? Well, ya know how when a story ends and it cuts right into some kind of advertisement? Apparently he came up next to me as one story was ending and an ad started up, right? I immediately took my headphones off once I saw him standing here. He handed me papers from the printer and then left the room....comes back 2 minutes later and in front of all the kids says, "who was that guy you were just looking at?" 

It felt like time stopped for a second so that I could have a conversation in my head that went a little something like this...
rational me-ok stay calm, the kids are here and you dont want to say or do anything to escalate this situation
real me-umm no f*&% that! Why is he accusing me??? He should know better!! Ive been honest with him about everything and btw how dare he throw accusations at me in front of my children.
rational me-well, there is a history there so maybe just be patient and explain...
real me-uh uh! nope! he knows you better than anyone on this planet and if he cant tell that you've changed and you aren't shady and immature anymore...I mean WTF! REALLY??
ok I need to answer because everyone is looking

what I really said...

"Uhh, I am not sure who's story was on when you came in the room but I my snapchat is just family, friends and a few famous people that I follow so I wasn't looking at "a guy" and I dont appreciate you insinuating that I was doing something I shouldn't be doing."

which is as calm as I could be with the children. but apparently that wasn't good enough and as he was walking back to his room he said something...
So I went off in text so the kids wouldn't hear, lol. 

I went through and screenshot my entire snapchat list and marked "fam" for family, "friends" or "famous" next to it so he would know what was what and see that I dont have anything suspicious. and then I told him that I didn't appreciate him confronting me in front of my children and also told him that I didn't know why he was acting this way but that he knew me better than anyone and he knows I am an open book now. There is nothing to hide and as I have told him a few times in the past few weeks...


We are good...we are great! He is the one I am growing old with and he is stuck with me. Im not ever leaving him and that is that. 

So how is this a confession post?

Because, I felt it....
that "ohh no he didn't just try to be my father and put restrictions on me" attitude.
And at first I felt a little rebellion kick in...
Then I realized why I was mad.
I thought Milad and I were on a whole other level than this. We have been through the worst times a relationship could be in...I mean, hell, we were separated for 9 years? Somehow, during that separation came a friendship that grew stronger than anything Ive ever witnessed. Its the most amazing feeling in the world to know that no matter what happens in life...how many bad decisions you make or whatever mess you may land yourself in...you have that one person that will ALWAYS be there and make it their mission in life to pull you out and keep moving forward through life. Even one step further, to make sure that journey going forward is as happy as possible. That is what we are to each other. Dedicated to being there for each other without any other reason than we want each others benefit. Its amazing!

It upsets me to think that he is doubting me. Im upset to think that he has any insecurities. I dont want him to have any worries at all. I know I am complex and so does he but I never want him to worry again. I have his back and will be here for the rest of his life. We are family...unbreakable. Ive made that decision and obviously so has he so, thats it. 
We're good
Lets just not go backward! Remember that we deal in 100% honesty, transparency, loyalty, dedication, open communication and a trust that has been building itself up for such a long time that nothing can break it now. 

So, to my husband...
We got this!

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Best Week Ever!

Thanksgiving Day was a huge success. It was such a relaxing day. I had music going all day long. The lions game...well thats a different story that I just dont want to talk about right now lol. That was such a hard loss. We had it...we were just right there. Uugghh 
I still love my lions!

Anyways, Milad and Kayla went to pick up our food and oh my goodness was it ever good. Lebanese food is and always will be my favorite food ever. Thank you to Country Restaurant for that. Yall need to get an ad going and Ill post you for free. Also, huge props to Masri Sweets for their AMAZING kunafa! Oh so yummy!
(Milad doing the poop emoji...he did this one for Hank who is obsessed with all things poop right now...Stephanie, dont let me forget to show you the video of him laughing at his "Galu")

(Milad doing the robot...those funny noises are him actually doing the robot dance...the kids were dyin LOL this thing needs hands so you can get a visual)

(-_- I am "punkin" of course and apparently Im in da house...no he didn't lol)

We all went around saying what we were thankful for~which is my favorite part. Then, Milad kept making these silly animal emojis from the new iPhone and the kids were cracking up. When he gets playful, the kids go nuts over it because hes usually so serious. I am definitely the more lively of us, thats putting it extremely mild. 

I love to sit back and see Milad and the kids having a good time. It was just what I needed. We ended up all being way too full and tired for games so we opted for a family movie and then we watched a Russell Peter's standup comedy. If you havent ever watched him, you have to! Oh, I was laughing so hard. 

Friday morning started with all of us on our laptops and phones doing some online Black Friday shopping. Well, everyone that is except ku who slept in til dinner almost. It was holiday break so no big deal. My Zabien hung out with me all day and all night. Our new favorite thing is to watch stand up comedy at night to just lighten up the mood before bed. 

So thats it...

A quiet weekend with my hubby and the kiddos. 
Other than watching Hank for a few hours last night so that Steph and Jon could have a date night and do some Christmas shopping, it has been undisturbed family time. Thick or thin, I love my little empire and I couldnt be more happy about the week we've had together. 

I hope everyone got to enjoy their families just as much over the holidays and all the time. 

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

To All My Readers...

I just want to take a minute to say thank you to all my readers all over the world. From here and especially from my authors page and allpoetry...you guys are the absolute best and I know there are so many of you who feel the same emotions I put out there for all to see. I hope that my writing continues to encourage you to allow yourself the freedom to feel, the bravery to be vulnerable by putting the emotions to pen, and fully engage in the sympathy and compassion of connecting with fellow writers for support. 

The spirit of companionship and togetherness is strong in our little community and I am so thankful to be a part of it. 
I love yall!

The Poet in Me

I have had a strange sequence of events that have brought me back to the poet/writer within. 
First, I went to all poetry.com to write and GKG (Gibran Khalil Gibran) was being highlighted on the front page. I clicked on it and just clicked on the first one, which happened to be "Love Chapter II". I read it slowly, word by word and was transported again.
I decided that I would reread "The Prophet" all over again. 
Anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely obsessed with GKG. He was such a complex individual who saw the world in a different way than anyone around him. He was so strong but had heavy weaknesses. He was so incredibly intelligent but quite often misunderstood and even though he was received well in his circle of freedom fighters (regarding Syria and Lebanon) he felt so alone. His words speak to me on such a deep level. 
Second, Im scrolling through the movie options in the "kid" section because Hank and Lacie wanted to watch a movie...and I come across "Khalil Gibran's:The Prophet". 
If you havent seen it, I implore you to! I cant believe it didn't win awards and wasn't more received then it was. So we watched it and both kids were drawn to it. I realized that this might be a little mature for them but they were sucked into the story of Almitra and loved the imagery. I felt honored to be introducing them to art at its best. I called Steph to let her know that I let Hank watch it...I wont ruin it for those of you who havent seen it yet but I knew that the ending was one that would be remembered because he was able to figure out what all the imagery meant. Lacie, however, loved it and wanted to watch it again (which never happens) so I sat her down and read her some of his "not so adult" work. 

I showed her some of his art and let her look through his paintings. I think I may have sparked a fire, yall and I couldnt be happier about it. 
I love that my Lacie loves art!

All this put together with my moody, emotional frame of mind as of late and BAM! We have a flow of writing. Im writing poetry, working on my next book and Ive even started a children's book that will be illustrated by the brilliant Cindi Seslar! 
I couldnt be more thrilled about all of this.

I even started a new contest on all poetry to keep my creative juices flowing...and its a little self motivated as I wanted to see if there is anyone out there even remotely similar to me and my situation. 
I cant possibly be the only person in the world who has this emotional and unbreakable connection. Its been awesome reading it all.

So the Poet in me is back in full swing...
The 'do not disturb' is being fully utilized on my phone but you all know how this goes...I write, write and then write some more. I will come to a point where all this writing dries up and I will come back to my sociable and lovable self. Just be patient while I write. 

God bless yall and have a great thanksgiving week!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

You're Welcome

I know I said Id never buy Starbucks again but I tasted this heavenly goodness and it has become my daily crack! 
Seriously it is as simple as this...