Friday, May 18, 2018

Beauty In-between the Lines


Yep
Nuff Said 
other than,
 I'll be ok.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Flashback Friday~the good ole days

I love flashback Fridays cus I find so many things about the kids from when they were actually cute...so without further ado...

Here is my flashback post today. 
I miss my "art wall"


Things I Love Thursday....

In the spirit of trying to get back in the loop with everyone, I thought I'd take on this day because there's so many things to love. Technically, it will be Friday when I post it, but I'm trying dang it!


I love swimming!
It's such a peaceful exercise (when you're not getting water and spit all over you thanks to some creepy old man with clearly no personal space boundaries, AT ALL) and it doesnt hurt. It just reminds me of how far I've come and how great things are gonna be. 
Yep, just from swimming.


The RIGHT compliments
Today I was told that I was an old soul and I was so flattered by that. I am so often misunderstood or looked down upon for that by others (you'd be surprised, really) but I love that about myself. I always have. So, that was nice to be told that and meant it in a good way. Definitely love that.


(named after his 1 blue eye)
My Blue Bear
It has taken me so long to warm up to this dog but I'm glad I finally have because he is such a good dog. Losing Bruce was like losing a baby...I just needed time to mourn him. He will always be my favorite fur baby and I know he is in heaven lovin' on my Noelle. But for now, Blue is my new baby and I love him. We really are blessed to have such a good puppy (kinda puppy...he's 3 already can y'all believe it?)


FACETIME!!
But don't get any ideas, y'all cus its only with 1 person...
for the rest of you, the same rules apply 
LOL
Tomorrow is another 16 hour FaceTime day and I love love love it! 
This is probably the only time you'll hear me saying this cus y'all already know how I feel about FaceTime. 
It's so bad, I can't stop thinking I should be in bed so I can wake up and be back on it. lol 
I'm on some serious silly shit!
I promise I will go through and read up on everyone's posts tomorrow. I have some free time. 

Aaaaand 

I'm gonna go ahead and post my flashback Friday post just for shock value :) 
It's almost the weekend, yall!!


Sunday, May 13, 2018

Hoodrat

It's no secret that I used to go by "hoodrat" 
and while most of you would think that's insulting...I don't really see it that way. I guess you could say that I still am a little hoodrat in a lot of ways. But today, it's manifesting itself in the form of music. 

I am all caught up in this song right now and I don't usually share this kind of music cus I know it's not appreciated by some so let me just warn you...
it's rap 
lol
and it cusses....
aaaand 
I'm about to use the lyrics because they are my jam right now. 
So for all my sensitive readers, this ain't for y'all. Sorry 
and for the rest of you...y'all need to just give in and get up and dance...
(and of course the youtube clippet isn't working so heres the link..)


(sooo me!)

"Mind yo motherfuckin' business, ain't nothing you gotta see
How you all up in my shit when you got more problems than me
Yeah, I'm cool but you don't wanna see that other side of me
And my niggas mobbin' deep, I'm a fucking prodigy
I know, I know that you been envy, bitch it ain't that hard to see
Don't you dare go fix your mouth to tell me that you proud of me
Ain't no choice to me but loyalty still means a lot to me
Some niggas'll gon' chop my arm right off and still reach out to me"


and then here's the other songs being played tonight at Club Khahil


cus the beat is just mm mmm mmmm 
I can't help but grind 90s style

and 


this one too...
I guess I just needed to break out the club lights and dance...
kinda helps take my mind off things the way that singing does. Only, I didn't get to the gym today so I needed the workout anyways.


and hey...
it is what it is

Sunday Sermons: Loyalty


I'm changing at such a rapid pace. I feel like I'm living in a whole different mental state than before.
There are some great things happening

1-I have been so much nicer to people.
 So much so that I'm even asking myself 'wtf is wrong with you'
~I was told that you can talk to yourself but if you answer yourself, you're nuts...let's just leave this question alone then~

2- I believe in love again...
or maybe for the first time. Like consuming, butterflies, lip biting and spending every second with the one you love, type love. 

3-My future's so bright....
y'all know how it goes, right? I just have so many things to look forward to. The second half of life is gonna be so good!

but I've also learned that while all these great things are going on, there are still things about me that apparently are just a part of me and I can't change. They aren't the greatest things that's fa sho!

1-I'm impatient AF
and there is nothing I can do to change that. I try yoga and meditation and sometimes that works awesome but then other times it's just too much. I hate waiting and I get super annoyed with people who make me wait. I'm praying that changes. What can I say? I'm spoiled.

2-I'm a scaredy cat
and that just sucks. I just want to live this dream. It's too close to not try but there's so many things that the realist in me sees. If it's not something in my control, it scares the shit out of me and I hate that. Spent the first half of my life thinking this was strong and smart...I was wrong! This is weak and I'm trying so hard to fix it. 

3-I am NOT a Sharer
I cant go too deep on this one cus this is the biggest one right now and it's already got me feeling some type of way. It's all good...I'll figure this out but as of right now this is the one that's really tryin to keep me down. And it has the capability to shut it all down so I gotta get this in check....QUICK!

Those arent too bad though

You know what the key to it all is?
LOYALTY
which by definition means
"faithful to any leader, party, or cause or to any person or thing conceived as deserving fidelity"
If you look up loyalty in the dictionary this is the list of synonyms that are included with the meaning 

Allegiance- loyalty/commitment of an individual to a group or cause
Faithfulness- the quality of being faithful; fidelity
Adherence- attachment or commitment to a person, cause or belief
Homage- special honor or respect shown publicly
Devotion- love, loyalty or enthusiasm for a person, activity or cause
Steadfastness- resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering
Staunchness- loyal and committed in attitude
Trueheartedness- faithful, loyal, honest, sincere
Dependability- capable of being depended on, worthy of trust, reliable
Reliability- ability to be relied on, depended on for accuracy, honesty and achievement
Trustworthiness- deserving of trust or confidence, reliable, dependable
Duty- something that one is expected or required to do by moral or legal obligation
Dedication- to devote wholly and earnestly as to some person or purpose
Commitment- to give in trust or charge, consign 

So yes, I have flaws...we all do but I live by the code of Loyalty so taking my bad with my good is the only way you are going to get the good in the first place. 
And another thing? I look for loyalty in other people. If you wanna hang with me, in my circle, 
LOYALTY
is what you need to be. 
That's what's going on with me right now. Sorry it took so long to get back in the loop. 
I want updates, yall!!
Start typin'!

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Children Need Warning Labels

I am counting the days for peace in my home on a daily basis. 
I don't mind the parenting part of having a big house but I do mind the constant noise and invasion of personal space. 


I know I'm not alone here. 
I see so many memes of moms hiding in their bathrooms and closets (believe me, I've had my share of those times) and it's all fun and games until it's you sittin in there crying in a pint of Ben and Jerry's while your children use your good drapes for capes while flying from the sofa to the kitchen where a cardboard makeshift basketball "rim" was waiting for them to fly through, break, and land on a pile of your brand new pillows. 

Yep, those were the days

What they don't tell you is that it just keeps getting better. 
My teenagers drive me crazy!!
I have a few that are such good kids ~oh come on, you don't think I'm going to show favorites by naming them.
But it doesn't get any better...
IT GETS WORSE!
And Lacie is in a phase where she throws little temper tantrums. Just screaming and throwing a fit. 
This is gonna be a fun one to break.


Yep! So Now Im thinking...

Is this what I'm going to be saying when they are out of the house and on their own? 

Think about it...

2 Year old-"Oh Dear God, please get me out of these terrible 2's! If I have to replace one more toilet, I think I'll lose my mind"

4 year old- "Dear God, please tell me that our local kindergarten is full days so I can just get a break to take a shower and clean the house" ~neither of which I could do without absolute catastrophe

8 years old-"Dear God, you better take my hand and hold me back...I know she did NOT just get that attitude with me...must be going through a phase! I can't wait til they are a few years older so I don't have to deal with this"

12 years old-"Jesus, I know you know who I am Lord and I know you heard me say I repented for the things I did as a child that I knew was wrong...why am I still reaping what I sow? And umm, something about this system is broken because I was not the bad this early in...ohh ok never mind."

15 year old-"Jesus take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeel and ya better hurry up before I crash into all these spoiled little brats"

18 year old-"Ok God, he said he was scared of responsibility and a job...he wants to be a kid a little bit longer and I'm pretty sure that's not how it works...so what's up?"

20 years old- ~I give up~ "God where are you??"

so, what's next?

I love them all 
with all of me 
but 
it's just a lot. 


Unhealthy Obsession

Music is my life
I love it all...well mostly all. No metal or "devil" music 
~yes thats what I call it~
and Im not the biggest country fan either...very picky about that one. Anyways, Im getting off track...

So I was watching random videos on youtube earlier this week and stumbled on this song...
~Demons (Philosophical Sessions)~
(only this version is amazing)
"Leave me to think

Deep in my structure, I think I still love her,
But I need some sleep
You've taken my breath away,
Now I want to breathe"


I look at the video and first thought was...
oohhh his beard game is super strong...hes cute







Then he started playing the instrument recorder thingamabob and I was like...
ooohhh he got talent like this?? Ok...what it do then? 
(insert ghetto voice here)


Then the moment of singing came...it all happened so fast and the SECOND he opened his mouth my jaw dropped and I just sat there like

cus hes just mmm mmm mmm! 
And the best part??
He's a songwriter SLASH poet and he writes his own music too
~Really, God...that's just showing off~

So I knew I had to share him with yall. 
Its safe to say I have a thing for guys that make music. I guess that works out seeing as though my lover is a DJ. 
I got my own personal DJ, yall. 
😉
~he's so cute but I want to respect his privacy and not put pics and names up yet...just know...he's my cutie~

So now I will leave you with a few songs by Jacob Lee along with my favorite line from each song. 
you are most welcome
~Cursed~
"My thoughts are safer this time
I pray it hurts less this time"



~Oceans~
"I don't wanna love no more
Though it's the one thing I've been searching for
Though it's the one thing that I miss the most
Now I'm afraid to be alone"

~Black Sheep~
"You know that I can't be anybody else
I feel better when I know myself
You keep telling me I need your help
I will never ---ever need your help"

AMAZINGNESS

his voice with spoken poetry??
UUUUGGGHHHH

Go watch the rest of them. They are all good!


~Secrets~
"But I feel safe here
Lay with me
The stars watch us tonight"


~Ghost~
"I'll make sure that they all see
The kind of man that you can be
Open your lungs and inhale my words
I see in your eyes, a reflection of words"

~Heart Strings~
"Keep my thoughts inside your hands
Mold them, they're yours to comprehend
I've taken my lungs out
Cause you are the air I breathe
To find out that her heart"

~Breadcrumbs~
"Maybe if I talk too much
Maybe if I run amok
They'll get it in their head that I'm not theirs and then they'll give me up"