Monday, July 17, 2017

To the siblings I walked away from

I just think its about time I let you all know how I really feel. This is being posted because I saw something on Facebook that gave me a physical reaction....almost like a dry heave. Maybe I expected too much from you all at some point and because you never measured up, I disconnected from you all emotionally but I just have to get this off my chest!

I have a relationship with 1 out of 5 of you. 
Surely that tells you something. I am going to try very hard to not name call or cuss because I really want to walk in forgiveness towards you all. Here it goes....

I recognize that you all have been deeply traumatized by the actions of our father. Your childhood is full of pain, lies, manipulation and abuse. I wish I had a magic wand to go back in time and undo all of that (for all of us) but I can't. See? I don't hate you...I really don't. I just can't get behind your ways of thinking. Im sorry but I can't understand how as adults you all have not progressed any further than you have? 


My mother is NOT your problem. As an adult, I have heard all your stories....over and over again. First off, they are inconsistent. I mean there's your sign, right? Ok so let me lay this out for you all. My mother found Jesus and was saved in 1977. The same year that she married our father. The same year that she chose to take you all on as step children and be the mother that you all didn't have in your lives. The only mother you had because your own mother abandoned you and left you with the monster. Yes, those are harsh words but I can't apologize for them because I am just stating the facts. Was she perfect? Good lord, no! But is anyone? I know I sure as hell ain't. She believed in discipline and you all were a bunch of disrespectful and unruly little shits so yes, you were disciplined, but you were not abused by her. And ya know what? I understand that while you are kids, things aren't really seen with clarity from a mature standpoint because you were children but as an adult, why has there been no mature "hindsight is 20/20" attitude? You're so busy placing the blame on my mother you don't see it clearly. First, my mother had different circumstances with her older 3 children and their father so you cannot compare their lives to yours. You have absolutely no idea the arrangements that were made between their father and my mother. Second, she HAD money when she met our father but he blew through that they ended up living off of a strict budget which, for a family of 10, meant homemade haircuts, days of Mac and cheese and big pots of spaghetti. Third, was it really unfair of them to leave you at home while they took the 2 babies of the family with them to go eat or go out? Do you really think they could trust you all with us? You all couldn't be in a room together for more than 10 minutes without fighting or plotting the next "sneak out"....suuuuuure we were supposed to be safe with you. But, instead of being a mature adult and understanding the situations for what they were in reality, you have given in to the "poor pity me" syndrome and as such, the false memories are now reality for you....
So if you want to hate my mother, hate her for finding God and wanting to raise you all as christians. That doesn't mean she was a saint or she was perfect. Being a christian IS NOT A CONFESSION OF PERFECTION! It is actually a realization that you are severely flawed and need Gods help with everything! Did she make mistakes, yes! I love my kids with all of my heart and soul and I make mistakes all of the time. The bottom line is, she married a man who was abusive, unfaithful and loveless. He wanted to find a babysitter for his children...and that he did. 


Placing the blame where it lies is crucial to healing. Therefore we will tackle the real issue here....
Our father is the real culprit for the childhood abuse. He was a raging alcoholic and when that was no longer an issue, his mood swings were unstable, unexpected and brutal. 

Wrapping a belt around your neck and proceeding to drag you around by that belt (even going up and down the stairs with you)...
That is abuse
Forcing you to eat your own feces
That is abuse
Using whatever weapon is around (plaque on the wall, coffee pot, loose bricks from the outside porch steps) to hit you with over and over again
That is abuse
Calling your name all excited like while youre happily playing outside (making you feel like he was going to play with you and you were so excited) only to literally kick you so hard that you flew off the porch and dang near broke your leg as you landed...
That is abuse

I could go on and on and get even more in depth but that kind of stuff should be saved for a therapist session instead so I will end it here. And I am not even going to touch on the abuse that went on because of the perversion that ran ramped in that man! Ya know what the worst part of all that is? He never claimed any of it. He was full of apologies. "She made me do it...Im so sorry" seems to be a theme...because he was incapable of owning up to his bad actions and would always find someone to point the finger at. He never apologized for what he was really responsible for. My mother was the easiest scapegoat and she suffered for that. See? this is part of my problem with you all. Instead of placing the blame where it lies, seeking God for help in forgiving, letting go and moving all want to still live as "victims" and whats worse is that you haven't even named the real perpetrator is!! He has never paid for his mistakes. He has never been made to even acknowledge his wrong-doings! He was able to make a new life built on lies and hey....thats ok because wether its in this life or on judgment day this man will be held accountable for the abuse that he dealt out to his children. All of us because
You weren't the only ones, ok?
You can't apologize for something that you say you never did. Therefore, none of us have any closure from him. 


You never stopped to think about what your lies did to me and my little sister, did you? You were so busy seeking out attention from everyone who would listen to your lies that you didn't even know the events you were setting into motion. Your lies separated the whole family. The lies you would run and tell his side of the family made them believe that my mother was to blame for the abuse in your lives. Maybe that was easier than admitting that one of their own was a demented narcissistic psychopath! I lost everyone I loved. I grew up closer to that family than my mothers family and after the divorce (and after the death of my beautiful grandparents), no one ever made any attempts at contacting me and my sister. Its like we were no longer family. You know why? Because my mother had taken the blame for it all and because of that, no one would reach out to her to see us. I was just a kid. How do you think it felt to lose my whole family and not understand why I wasn't wanted or loved anymore? This brings me to my final point....


The reason I am writing this is to address you without addressing you. I have tried (as an adult) to have relationships with you and you could definitely say that it blew up in my face. As a result of that, I don't feel like I can have a rational conversation with you so I am writing this open letter on my blog and maybe you'll stumble on it someday. Ive been contacted by one of you asking for a relationship. I cannot give you that. 
I hope you all can understand that a relationship isn't possible for us. I forgive you all for the things that you did. I honestly believe that you weren't aware (and have lived for so long in denial that you still may not be aware) of the pain and heartache that you've inflicted on my life, my sisters life and especially my mothers life. There has been no growth or change in behavior at all and its because of that we do not and can not have a relationship. I wish you no harm in your life. We are on different paths and at different places and we clearly believe different things. I do not want my children exposed to those traumatic types of situations (like when one of you called child protective services with horrible lies about my mother abusing us when I was 12 and my sister was 7 and we were almost taken away from her AND each other because you wanted to inflict pain on my mother...thankfully they were able to tell that we were most certainly not being abused and were able to go was a scary and traumatizing thing that I completely forgive you for but because of your behavior not changing and the mind sets still being the same, I won't open the door for that kind of trauma on my children...or myself for that matter)

I forgave my father a long time ago. I said my peace. I told him how I felt. I told him I forgave him. I apologized for my teenage disrespect (because no matter what, there is no excuse and 2 wrongs don't make a right) and I gave it to God. I choose to remember the good things about my father and I cherish the good things he taught me and everything else I just give to God. I feel the same for all of you. Unfortunately, I don't have any good memories with some of you but I do forgive you and any time I feel the way I felt last night when looking at a particular Facebook post, I pray and ask God to help me forgive and give it to him. Maybe you all don't realize why I feel the way I feel and maybe you don't care. This blog post was written so that I could explain without opening a new can of worms. 

Im not perfect. Sometimes I see things that jog a bad memory or give me a bad taste in my mouth. Sometimes I go as far as to call my best friend and rant about it. God is continuously working on me. This Facebook post affected me because I saw some comments from an old member of that family making regarding how wonderful my grandparents were and something hurt me inside. They were special people for sure. I have the best memories of them. They were faithful, spiritual people who had the most awesome sense of humor! It just triggered memories that were a little hard for me to deal with but, again...Im praying and giving it back to God. 

I want to leave with one last thing....

Years ago, before her horrible and untimely death, our beautiful aunt called my mother and asked if she would come over for a visit and bring us with her. I was ecstatic because I missed her so much. She was the funniest person ever!! And her cooking....oh my goodness....YUM! but anyways, while we were there, my aunt apologized to my mom for everything that happened and she hugged her and said she knew my dad was mostly at fault for everything. That was the closure that my mom needed for sure and it helped me in my healing process as well. 

I am one of his children and therefore I am one of you. I just choose to live my life going forward and growing in life rather than gripping on to the past and harboring unforgiveness and resentment. I choose to live a life of happiness and family. I am extremely blessed in this life with a circle of people who I can trust and who are my family. We work together as a team. Thats how I want my life to be. I don't let people in my circle that could disrupt the flow of family and love. 

So, to answer your question, I pray that you find healing and restoration but I cannot have a relationship with you. 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Its all about the love

This morning, I had a hard time getting into my praise and worship time. I was being mentally flooded with the most random thoughts and a sense of urgency that I had something else that I needed to be doing. I literally had to pray and ask God to take away whatever was in the way of me spending this time with him. I finally got into that realm where you feel like you are in the throne room and you are singing his praises and showing him your love with your voice....its a beautiful place to be. Got a little lost in it but when I came out of the meditation of it all, I just felt so rejuvenated and so ready for the day. I was just about to start my bible study of the day (I am just beginning the "entrusted" bible study series from Beth Moore) when I had the brilliant idea to go past that last song on Facebook to share the awesome praise music that I was just lost in. My thinking is that maybe someone will click on it and they will get to experience the love and peace and awesomeness of one on one time with God in song. 

I know most of the people on my list probably chalk it up to another of my 'religious' posts....maybe even with an eye roll inserted there. And can you blame them??

As soon as Im done clicking the "post" button, my newsfeed comes up and I have 2 breaking news posts from local news channels at the top of my newsfeed and they read....

"Authorities digging in the back yard of suspect involved in the missing persons case of....."
(sadly, I don't even know which missing person because there seems to be an extreme rise here lately in missing people, which is heartbreaking!)
"Flint Police officer in critical condition after being stabbed at local airport"

My heart sank....

then as I scrolled down a few, I see another little girl is missing and I just wanted to go back into my little praise bubble and shut it all off! I stopped asking God "why?" a long time ago because I finally got an answer.....God will not go against our will. He is not a puppeteer! He gave us our own will and unfortunately there are people who don't have good intentions...they don't have a will to do good and they operate in evil instead. Because of these people, we are all at risk of tragedies and heart break.

To me, the answer is simple....

Share with them that God is love! He made them and he loves them and all they need to do is believe.

Then I think on that for a minute and can't help but feel a little discouraged!

Christians have given Christ such a bad rep!! The judgment and hypocrisy is an epidemic in Christianity! We don't even need outside sources to tear us down because we are doing it to ourselves. You have denominations against denominations and pointing fingers and spreading guilt, shame and condemnation instead of the love that we are called to spread. It angers me...frustrates me...just makes me want to slap some people which I suppose isn't the healthiest way to feel but...
This world is in need of God now more than ever! This world needs real love spread around for EVERYONE! Shame on these christians for tearing down the church! I don't know what Bible people are reading these days but my Bible says, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."(--Romans 10:9-10)

That is what makes us "christians" and anything beyond that is just judgment! 

God deals with us on an individual basis and the Bible also says that he reveals to us what we need to have revealed. If someone says they are a christian, it doesn't mean they are means they are admitting that they are FAR FROM PERFECTION and they need God to save them and help them navigate life. WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT and the boat belongs to God so stop trying to throw people off without a freaking life jacket!! 
You cannot operate in love and spread hate and judgment. the Bible says, "There is therefore now NO condemnation for those that believe in Christ Jesus."(--Romans 8:1) So stop trying to bring people under condemnation. Realize that we "have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God"(--Romans 3:23) and "God is no respecter of persons"(--Acts 10:34)  He accepts us all! Once we realize this we will be able to love and accept others as well and THIS WORLD IS DYING AND NEEDS GODS LOVE! 
Seriously!! its time for us, as christians, to GET REAL!
Are you in or are you out?

The next step is figuring out how we are going to share this love with a world who thinks we are full of blasphemous crap? The change starts with us!!

Saturday, March 11, 2017

What's mine is theirs?

It's no secret to anyone that knows me that my husband loves to spoil me. He is always looking for the latest and greatest thing (mostly technology) and always showers me with things that he thinks will make my life easier and more fulfilled. 
What a lucky girl, right?

Yea, right!

Anyone ever seen Finding Nemo? The scene with all the seagulls screaming, "MINE...MINE...MINE...MINE"? This is my children when they see that I have something new, and hey my kids? They have the most amazing ability to sniff out new things! 
Never fails...

New earphones?

New bluetooth?

New phone?

New MacBook?

New screen cover?

New phone case?

New gadgets?

Even something that doesn't mean anything to them but is so big to me, such as....

New pens...

New books...

New markers...

And especially when he spoils me with treats, like....

Sherri's Berries

Olive Garden take out

Masri Sweets trays

or my all time favorite...
Lebanese sandwiches from Country Restaurant

I had to put the video with each new thing so you can fully grasp what Im dealing with here. I would love to have one...JUST ONE thing to myself but thats very rare around here and I guess its my fault, really. Although, I have to admit that things are actually getting better in this department. I have a cigar box filled with markers, pens and colored pencils that ~for the most part~ are mine and they don't touch. :) 
Anyways, a huge thank you to the hubby for spoiling me... maybe one of these days Ill get to enjoy the spoils 

For all you parents of grown children....
This does die down as they get out and on their own....
~please say yes!~

Saturday, November 19, 2016

My Daughter's Too Pretty

What do you do when your pretty little angel grows up to be....

    an absolute beauty

    catches the eyes of all the boys at her school 
    AND all the men passing by
    who act like her mother isn't right beside her

    who is stubborn and
    hard headed, but also

    naïve in thinking people are genuinely good

    What do you do?
    Ive finally figured it out! A win-win for everyone involved and a completely worry free solution to the entire situation!!


    So I have joked for years about this arranging marriages thing. I married a Lebanese man and even though we weren't arranged, its traditional in his country to arrange marriage so I teased the kids that this was always a possibility. Then, like a chorus singing from Heaven, I saw a commercial for a tv show called "married by my mom and dad" and I thought, 'omg!! more people are doing this?? American people?? So there is a data base of people out there to choose from? I am not kidding people. I want to do this. I would like to do it for all my kids actually, not just my daughter. I am going to keep talking about it until it actually becomes a reality.

    I am actually posting this so I can speak it into existence and look back on this as an "aww" moment for them to look back one day with their arranged spouse like, "this is how we got started".

    Friday, November 18, 2016

    You Cut MY son?!?!

    Picture this...

    I am on my way to pick up my kids from school when I get this shocking thought that I need to reroute my normal routine and go to my 7th grader first (thank you God for being that loud about it). I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that my baby needs me. Its the last day of basketball try outs and he is incredibly good at basketball (following in the footsteps of his older brothers who have made basketball a way of life for all of us). This one, however, is struggling with his math grades lately and I was worried that it would be a problem. At this point, the feeling of him needing me was just overwhelming and I was really worried, out of the blue!

    I finally arrive at the school and I'm looking around for my son when all the sudden...all the way down at the other end of the school I see my baby sitting on the ground with his head in his knees and he lifts up his head and sees me and gets up and even though there are other kids around, he cannot hold it in...he's crying his little heart out. ~instant heartbreak~

    My thoughts are racing! There is no way he didn't make it! I have to hide the hurt and shock on my face and go straight into cuddle and comfort mode for a few minutes before making the "we will work on it and try again next year" switch. My oldest son is 19 and we have been doing basketball since he was 5. The first few years it was pay to play but the rest of these years have been try outs and he, along with my other 2 boys have never been cut. And my Jessie is such a strong basketball player. The problem is that he is tiny! He is short and very skinny. Ok so gather the thoughts....he's opening the door.....

    "I don't understand mama, I just don't understand! I gave it my best and I played my heart out on that court. I didn't miss any shots and I showed that I am an aggressive player....I don't understand" he said with tears pouring down his face! I put my arms around him and told him he was going to be ok. I said, "I'm sorry baby! I know how bad you wanted this and I wont pretend to know why he cut you but we will take whatever reason he gave you and we will work on it and try again next year. I promise you will get stronger in any areas of weakness and next year you will be ready." We drove away and I saw the faces of  all the poor boys who didn't make it. Normally, I am making sure that my boys aren't smiling too big or acting over excited until we leave the school grounds because normally, those are they friends that are crying because they were cut and this time my poor baby was one of them.

    I immediately sent out a group text ~secretly~ to the rest of my kids letting them know what was going on. We were on our way to pick up my daughter who was waiting at her best friends house (and this best friend also happens to be the older sister of Jessie's best friend who actually made the team). She got in the car and gave Jessie a hug and said she was sorry and he just kept crying. Meanwhile, my older son is face-timing and saying that he doesn't believe us..."its a joke" he just kept saying and I finally yelled at him and hung up because he was making it harder on Jessie. He kept crying that he didn't want to face his brothers because they would be so disappointed in him for being the only "Khahil to get cut". I tried to tell him that EVERYONE knows that Jessie's skill is amazing and he should be on that team and no one is upset or disappointed in him but instead just frustrated with the coach who cut him. In all honesty, I have always had an issue with this coach! He was once the coach of Ku, Zak, Zabe and Kayla and I have never like him. He is a horrible coach! No I'm not just saying that because he cut my son lol. I'm not one of those parents. He really is bad! Has a horrible record and really doesn't have any knowledge of the game of basketball. He knows a few plays but he doesn't understand all the rules and it results in a lot of embarrassing situations for the kids on the team.

    AH HAH!! I will blame it all on the coach! Jessie has heard all of the parents talk over the years about what a moron this guy was. I teach my kids to respect their elders that is for sure but behind closed doors, we are allowed to talk about what's really going on so for sure Jessie would feel confident that he IS good enough for the team but the coach is too dumb to see that, right? Great spin!

    Later that night, Jessie's tears were a bit less. He had friend after friend calling him to tell him how unfair it was and that he should be on that team. All of his friends who made the team were calling him and telling him they love him and that he deserved to be on that team and how sorry they were. He did really good! He genuinely congratulated them and told them it was ok...he would be ok. Kumayl however, was a different story. The more time went by that night, the more angry he was. He made a call to the coach who didn't answer and so he sent an email. He basically said that he didn't understand why the coach didn't give Jessie any valid reason as to why he was cut and he would greatly appreciate that criticism because he wanted to make sure he knew what Jessie's "weaknesses" were so that he could work with him to help him improve for next years team ~ who will be coached by someone else, thank God~. The coach replied to Kumayl but didn't offer any reasons, just said that he read his email and then asked Jessie if he wanted to talk and Jessie said no so that was that. Ku then decided to take it to the athletic director. He emailed him explaining that he asked Coach for a reason and wasn't given any. He explained that Jessie is a very sensitive kid and was very embarrassed and ashamed that he didn't make it and that's why he wouldn't talk to anyone about it but all he was asking for was a reason so that he could help him improve since Jessie looks up to him after his successful basketball career. He is waiting for a reply.

    This is far from over for my poor Jessie. He is going to have to really suck this up and just keep working. His best friend isn't going to be able to hang out all the time anymore because he will be at practice. Every game day will be a challenge because he wants so desperately to be a part of it and I don't think he will be a good spectator at this point so I'm sure its going to be a tough season. I am proud of my kids for pulling through for Jessie and immediately going out and working with him at the hoop. Jessie felt very happy that Kumayl had his back and was trying so hard to get answers for him. Zak, who actually made the JV basketball team the same day Jessie was cut, downplayed his excitement and Jessie later thanked him for being so sensitive to him and then congratulated him for making the team.

    If you're not part of a sports family then you probably think its a ridiculous thing to be so upset over this but for these kids, its a HUGE deal! 

    The silver lining in this....
    My kids love each other and I absolutely love how they always pull through for each other. I've actually done a good job as these kids mothers.  

    Wednesday, November 16, 2016

    What's On My Mind

    I had so many funny and sarcastic things lined up for my next post but there is something more important than being funny right now.

    Since the last time I posted, the American people have voted for a new president....a very drastic change from the normal politics that have been polluting this country for decades now. The reason I felt like discussing this is because I need to vent and I do NOT feel like listening to the replies on social media. I want to scream for the world to hear but at the same time I would just love to have a really large platform (like the celebrities do) to speak calmly and rationally and try to explain that people are getting it all wrong. First of all, every religion/passionate cause/belief system has its share of extremists. Extremists on both sides of the spectrum....but there is a calm middle ground that at least half of this country is hoping to meet on and it just isn't happening. Why? Because the progressive movement has made this all a race issue! Its easier to do than to get people to fight for the cause of killing full term babies or forcing their progressive lifestyles on more traditional families BY LAW. So instead, its turned into this racial divide.

    My favorite dj's are all bashing Trump (and his being one of them) claiming that we are all racist! I am so sick of it! How dare you lump me in with the hateful racist people of this world. The biggest reason was MY FAITH! My faith is what holds me together and it is the center of who I am as a person. I believe its what this country was founded on. I knew that Hillary Clinton was going to be on the view (which I cannot watch at all because it just gets my blood boiling) so I had to watch it. I was shocked to hear her say out of her own mouth that an unborn child has no rights under the law because they aren't an actual citizen until they are born. -insert jaw drop here-

    There is her stance on that. Look at the woman's past...she is full of "Washington politics" that her supporters say make her more qualified and I say it makes her unfit! I wont go into them all but the things she has done in her career are just disgusting and deplorable (using her word against her). I could not in any good faith name her to be president. I am not anti female! I am not a racist! I want my country to flourish again. I want us to be brought together and not be further separated and we should all be working together on this goal.

    I voted for trump because his financial and business experience could truly benefit our economy. He is NOT Washington politics at all! What you see is what you get. You don't become one of the wealthiest men in the world by being stubborn and doing this off the top of your head. He listens to wise counsel and he thinks before he acts. The mud slinging of the campaign is over. He won and its time to get to business which is what hes good at....for gods sake let the man do his job and lets ALL work for a better America!
    I don't have to explain why I voted for him because its my right as an American but I want to because I really want for people to see that many people like me voted for Trump for the same reasons.

    1-Economically, he makes sense for this country. Politicians have driven us further and further into debt and I have a lot of hope in trump being able to help us here. Too many people are below poverty level and we have to fix things here in the country first and foremost.

    2-JUST SAY NO to refugees and it has nothing to do with me not liking them. Anyone that knows me knows that I have an affinity for all things middle eastern. I pray for these people but if you must know why I stand by this please refer to #1. We cant even take care of our own citizens let alone another country's.

    3-Illegal immigration is out of control and it needs to be addressed. Its the cause of many many bad things here and we have to get a handle on it. I am all for LEGAL immigration to my country, but we CANNOT AFFORD this anymore.

    4-Our new vice president is a Christian, conservative, good man and he wont tolerate the progressive agenda....and I'm sorry to those it offends, but Ive already listed why I don't agree. I have a right to my opinion just as much as the next person.

    I am not a hateful person. I love all people. Until all this racial talk came up, I didn't realize that my circle of friends consist of people from all over the world. I honestly do not see in color but I see more in character and personality. That's just how I am. I voted for Trump because I am praying he can get this country back on its toes again and that is it. Has he said some sexist things...yes! I never said he was the best person in the world....just the best choice from the two we were given and a vote for a third party would've been a vote for Clinton and I just couldn't live with myself. That's why!

    Take our country back from the politicians and their progressive agendas that focus more on body parts than the issues at hand!#sorrynotsorry

    Saturday, November 5, 2016

    America....the great?

    I grew up thinking that anyone who wanted to be president could be if they took the necessary path to get there. I never really thought about "party politics". Recently, Ku ~my oldest son who is in college now~ had to do a paper on wether or not our voting system works 'as is' and he always asks me to proof read his papers. After reading his opinion on it, I decided to research this subject myself and I am so disappointed in what Ive found.

    Our system is broken! Democrats and Republicans control everything! There are other parties who have their own ideals and a following but a vote for them is useless in the long run because electoral votes are what's going to decide the outcome of the election and these smaller parties don't stand a chance to the big bullies in Washington. Something needs to change!

    After years of proudly professing to be an outspoken republican, I have found that after MANY hours of research and sticking to my most important issues, I am actual more of a Constitutionist. Its ok if you don't like my conclusion. We are all allowed to have our own opinion. I am just saddened that everyone I talk to has no clue what the Constitution Party is let alone who their candidate is. And a vote for the small guy that no one knows is a wasted vote in our current voting system. :(

    Its sad because the core beliefs of the Constitution Party are what Ive always been so passionate about...and I never even knew this party existed until a few weeks ago while studying the voting system. To me, I sum it up like this....I am a Christian. I am very passionate about the Bible and what it says. Would I listen to people who told me that they needed to update the Bible for current times? Absolutely not! I feel the same way about the Constitution. I feel like I fit in more with this party.

    I will never vote "straight party"...ever! I will always study the issues that I am passionate about and of course the candidates that will fight for the issues most important to me, but this is definitely the party I am now interested the most in. The results of this election are scary already. It's sad that our country has gone this far in the wrong direction but I won't give up hope that one day we will turn it around and bring it back to what it was supposed to be when our forefathers put everything in motion.